A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter fourteen


Skipping off to the Vampire Council proves to be too hard :(. You see, they’re underground and the steps are steep. They make Anita limp and everything!

Jean-Claude waited at the bend of the stairs just before the landing. “I could carry you, ma petite.”

“No, thanks.” If I took the shoes off, the dress would be so long I’d need to hold it up. I needed one hand free for a gun. If my choices were being slow and having a gun drawn, or being fast and having my hands full of dress… I’d be slow.

All this over a set of steep stairs?? Why not just strip off Anita? You had no problems with running around in just a pair of knickers in the last book, why so prudish now?

JC says that he will have to acknowledge every vampire in the room. This is bad because if he does not acknowledge their dominance over him, then if he does acknowledge their dominance, if he had gone to council for aid, he would not fight. It makes sense in a moment, but this is pretty much how the thought process goes and it makes no sense.

“But they have come to us. They have invaded our lands. Harmed our people. If we acknowledge them as greater than ourselves without a struggle, they may set up a new master in my place. They may take all I have gained.”

Um, bullshit.

The Council haven’t invaded. The Queen of Nightmares is checking on vampire welfare in the US. They’re checking to see why, if you killed Mr Oliver, you haven’t taken his council place. They are not invading your territory – they’re maintaining the system you subscribe to. They haven’t hurt anyone, they just want to know why you are not following the law.

Anita wants to shoot everyone, but JC says they must play a game of diplomacy. He says that she can shoot someone, but has to be careful about it. Anita swears she will save everyone, even though there is no indication that anyone is in any danger. She puts her gun away, making sure the safety is on. She doesn’t want to shoot herself in the leg, after all.

oh my god

Anita and JC go into the living room, after she thinks ‘oh, torture is so bad‘ and after admiring JC’s decorating skills (and how they’ve been destroyed. I was there earlier), they greet totally-Willie McCoy, who remains my favourite character in the books. Anita tells us all that he has a girlfriend, and that he is totally not evil.

Then he laughs and JC is afraid and OH NO, it’s not Willie McCoy! It’s the Traveler! The Traveler is borrowing Willie’s body and that was totally not obvious!

The Traveler twirls his moustache and says that if JC could kill Mr Oliver, then he ought to have the strength to stand up to him.

“You always did have a smooth tongue in your head and so many other places.”

… JC has a smooth tongue in his ass?

I frowned at the double-entendre, not sure I caught the meaning, not sure I wanted to.

… that JC’s body is covered in tentacle-like tongues?

Traveler reveals that JC is one of his very favourite bodies, and Balty and him have enjoyed him ‘very much’. Balty then comes in with his own moustache. He hugs the Traveler and Anita realises that they’re gay, about half a page after everyone else. She’s upset because Willie doesn’t like guys. Not that someone is possessing his body, mind. She denies that that’s possible. She’s just upset he might get a dose of the gay. She doesn’t think of it as rape (which it is) but as ewwww, Willie would have to sleep with a guy.

“Does the Traveler like women?” I asked.

“Are you offering yourself in his place?” the vampire asked.

“No, just wondering how you’d like it if the tables were turned.”

“No one else has my ability to share a body,” the Traveler said.

“Would you like it if someone forced you to have sex with a woman?”

“I have never felt the draw of a woman’s body.”

“You’d find it distasteful,” I said.

“Yes.”

“Then let Willie go. Pick someone who wouldn’t mind so much.”

Yeah. It’s not ‘possessing someone is bad’ or ‘rape is bad’ but ‘find someone else to get raped because Willie isn’t gay!’. Please, fix your priorities.

Traveler laughs about how he has no sense of fair play, and that JC should know that because of his time at court. JC refuses to talk about it, and Traveler laughs at his fear. JC asks why the Council have invaded. Traveler basically says what I said, and asks how a little fuckwit weasel managed to kill Oliver. JC tries to cover his ass and says Oliver had gone rogue. Anita has a second of worrying about herself and no one else. There’s some badgering about why the Council didn’t stop Oliver but it comes down to: we didn’t give a shit because we’re an ineffectual organisation.

Traveler strokes Anita’s face and admires her POWER.

“Her power is a heady thing. Something to wrap around your cold skin and warm your heart for all eternity.”

You see, her POWER is so great that it means Traveler can’t possess JC by touch any more. But I think he can still, because then he says that as a Council member he can do exactly that. He won’t be able to if JC takes his council seat. Or something.

“Let me test my understanding here. If he takes the council seat, you’ll still try and force yourself on him, because if you can force him, then he’s not powerful enough to be council. But if he doesn’t take the seat, you’ll do it anyway.”

tumblr_m90yrc3Ias1qh59n0o4_250

i don’t know what’s going on

Anita screams that the Traveler doesn’t do business, he only does torture, and torture is bad. The Traveler doesn’t like this, and sends off POWER at her. He grabs her wrist and JC grabs the other one, in a nice game of tug ‘o war. Anita senses Richard’s POWER through JC, which forces away the Traveler. Oh, ho, JC has been naughty!

Man, this was a boring chapter. Sorry I couldn’t liven it up much.

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9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter fourteen

  1. why can’t she knot the front and the back parts of the dress so that they’re up higher? that way she wouldn’t stand on it and she could take the shoes off. Also, she keeps a shitload of weapons in her car, but not a spare pair of shoes?

    Is Anita saying that possessing Willie and using his body for sex would be acceptable if he was homosexual? She’s sexually attracted to men over women, does that mean that she would find it acceptable for the Traveler to possess her and have sex with Balthasar using her body? Because I don’t see her jumping up to volunteer.

    • She could do the dramatic dress-rip that’s so popular for “action girl in formal-wear must now curb-stomp someone.” You’d think she’d be all over that what with Hatey-Anita who hates dresses anyway and all.

      …for someone who hates dressing up so much, she sure does do it a lot…

      • Doesn’t she have knives on her? She could just cut the dress up. Even the little dramas are pointless.

        I would like her a lot better if she would revel in pretty clothes and dressing up instead of always being forced into it.

  2. “… JC has a smooth tongue in his ass?”

    I LOL’D SO HARD

    whatever, Anita is all the fuck about torture as long as she’s the one doing it, at least by the book I’m on

  3. I think JC as a tentacled Cthulhu would honestly make this better. Because at least then it would be pretty obvious that he’s something to run away from fast, instead of drooling over.

    …no, wait, I forgot the tentacle Sluagh in her other series. Neeeevermind.

  4. I decided long ago that as Anita does not have the power to detect lies that most of the other supernaturals do, JC is just constantly lying his ass off. Making himself look put-upon, and vilifying everyone else, because Anita is too damn stupid to do her own research or get a second opinion and takes everything he gives her as gospel truth.

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