A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter three


Yup yup that sums up my whole attitude to everything right now

After force feeding Lawrence his pain relief and watching him descend into a drugged stupor, Anita finally brings herself to call back the ‘scary’ number that beeped her pager. Oh, this is so thrilling and scary.

It was Stephen who phoned her, saying that Nathaniel is hurt and in hospital.

um who

who is Nathaniel?

why exactly am i supposed to care?

Nathaniel was ‘one of Gabriel’s people’ – a wereleopard, and probably involved in the production of the whole porno snuff film racket that made no sense. Anita then spells out for us all how bad Gabriel was and how sick and twisted he was and it takes up far too much room in the text. She questions, as I am doing, why Stephen needs her to come to hospital at all.

“I’m one of the names in his wallet in case of emergencies. Nathaniel works at Guilty Pleasures.’

“He’s a stripper?” I made it a question because he could have been a waiter, but it wasn’t likely.

I know it’s a question. I can see that it’s a question. You do not need to tell me that’s a question. I am not blind.

Jean-Claude owned Guilty Pleasures, and he would never have wasted a shapeshifter off-stage. They were too damned exotic.

Who wants to see a man strip when you can see a man turn into a animal in front of you?? MMMM SEXY i mean when i see this

I just think PHWOARR LOOK AT THAT ISN’T THAT SO SEXY I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW

except i don’t because i am not insane and find animals sexually attractive. JC’s strip club involves men making you suck blood from open wounds and people turning into animals. That is the worst strip club ever – unless you’re into that. The club would never make money because it’s appealing to such a tiny minority who are into bloodplay and bestiality.

Says a lot of disturbing things about the author though.

Nathaniel was hurt because Zane, another wereleopard, has been pimping out them out. You see, despite being a murderous rapist, Gabriel really looked after the wereleopard when he wasn’t raping them or forcing them to be in snuff films.

If the aim is morally ambiguous, the book has gone far over the line right into glamorising violence and rape.

Zane then gets on the phone and laughs and makes threats and is 100% generic bad guy. Anita makes generic threats back, and points out that she dumped Richard for eating someone.

Technically true, but that’s not the full story, is it Anita?

Zane hangs up on Anita so she runs to her Jeep to help Nathaniel in this thing that has nothing to do with her and will probably not be helped by her interference.

Anita thinks that Zane is going to run over Stephen and Nathaniel. While they are in the hospital. With people watching.

She just gets stupider as the books go on. She looses ten IQ points with each new instalment.

 

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8 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter three

  1. It seems like LKH just throws events together. She needs Anita out of the office – so Larry needs picking up, despite the holes in the scenario. Anita needs to get involved with the leopards – she gets a phone call telling her to come rescue one of them. This is just a string of events that make no logical sense.

    Anita loses 10 IQ points every book. And yet the police are always less intelligent than her. Scary thought.

  2. “She just gets stupider as the books go on. She looses ten IQ points with each new installment.”

    Assuming she started at… hmmmmm… well, she’s always been pretty dumb, but let’s be generous and say she started at 100, which is in the average IQ range most people fall into (90-109). This is book 7, so she is now at a 30. We have three more books before she hits zero, making her braindead.

    That would be book 10, ‘Narcissus in Chains’, the point when the series abandons all pretense and just becomes porn.

    Coincidence? I think not!

  3. Oh my god, ZANE was pimping out Nathaniel? But…but he becomes like her bud and one of the gang for awhile until he and Cherry dare to become a couple and are never mentioned again!

    oh my god I did not remember this. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked given the series, but damn.

    and ahhh back in the day when Nathaniel was just a name…

    • Zane doesn’t stay a bad Gabriel knock-off? He becomes a good guy? But but but he’s so generic evil and nasty OH GOD DAMN IT

      LKH has a real thing about evil people not really being evil but being evil nevertheless

      • Yeah, Zane is honestly faking all of this shit, because he ended up trying to replace Gabriel’s position, basically. So once Anita gets there she finds out Zane is in no way a leader, and so, we have the beginning of the Anitapard; they decide *she’s* alpha enough to lead them, and she’s stupid enough to do it.

        Also, Bernard! He is awesome. And surly. And Irish.

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