Confession time: I went out and bought Van Helsing today on DVD. It was only 75p, so it’s not too bad, but I honestly adore this film. I adore how wonderfully bad it is. Nothing makes me happier than a film that’s fun.
I think the artists for the Anita Blake comic series do too.
Hi Kate Beckinsale.
PS if you ever want to read anything truly funny, read LKH’s review of the movie and how it failed scientifically. Pure gold.
Updates after today will be pushed back until next week – I’m at Papa Smith’s, and he ain’t got no wifi. You will have to find other means to numb your minds.
There would be no backing down for Marcus tonight. He had to die, one way or another.
One way, or another, Richard’s going to find you. He’s going to get you, get you, get you.
JC is going to send them off to war by playing dress up. Richard is led off to presumably be dressed as Little Boy Blue, but Anita gets a dress all of her own.
Oh, I am so thrilled.
Anita is given a big old box by Cassandra, who appears to have had a brain slug attached to her head at some point, judging by how twee and giggly she is now.
The dress appears to be just a pile of leather straps.
“I don’t know how to get into this, even if I was willing to.”
“I’ll get Stephen,” Cassandra said.
“I don’t want to undress in front of Stephen.”
“He’s a stripper,” she said. “He dressed me last night at Danse Macabre, remember.” She patted my hand. “He’ll be a perfect gentleman.”
That’s right. The super empowered vampire hunter is not even allowed to dress herself. And when she says that she is uncomfortable with a bloke watching her undress – a valid discomfort – it is brushed off immediately.
Book, stop making me feel sorry for Anita. I hate her, I don’t want to be upset that everyone around her is forcing her into the vortex of uncomfortable rapey doom.
Anita is made to enjoy being forcibly dressed by a man she barely knows. The dress is described as being a leather bra and leather shorts, two things which do not at all sound like a dress. They sound like a bra and shorts. She’s also packing enough weaponry to arm the Norwegian militia.
Stephen jokes about how JC has been planning this for months and everyone was placing bets on whether she would wear it or not. DUDE. NOT HELPING THE CREEPINESS.
But it’s ok because Cassie and Stephen go on and on about how hawt she is. Each to their own.
Her gang walk through to greet Edward, who is waiting with a leather trenchcoat for her to wear. This is not a practical outfit for fighting. Edward says that as her bodyguard, if she dies everyone will make fun of him. This is a joke. Ha ha.
Richard comes in wearing his special outfit.
He was wearing black leather pants with soft suede boots that were almost a match to my own. His hair had been slicked back, tied off with a black ribbon. His shirt was silk and a vibrant blue, somewhere between turquoise and royal. It looked splendid against his tanned skin.
What is the point of this? I am too tired to get more angry at this BS and to act as if this is anything more than a published adolescent fantasy.
Anita and Richard stoke each other for a bit because they are both TOO DREAMY FOR WORDS.
I am sad. This book makes me sad.