I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed our X-Men rant yesterday, followers. More discussions on the blog! Let’s have more discussions on how many feelings we have about these things. It will stop the numbness spread by LKH.
In another calculated move to make herself appear awesome to my readership, Mother Smith has bought me ‘Scooby Doo meets Batman!’ on DVD.
I think if she was a superhero, her name would be Madame Awesome.
Plus, when clearing out my room (we are moving house) I found the best picture of me ever.
It’s like someone told 12 year old me that she’d end up reading Anita Blake. And tie dye is cool.
Anyway, today’s chapter.
Anita, Richard, and JC are all standing around when Edward walks in. Oh, do I love that guy. I do not find him to be a massive stalker with an ill-defined character at all.
Edward’s presence reminds Anita that, oh yeah, people are trying to kill her! And she hasn’t worried about it for over ten chapters! Well, she had triforce makeouts to worry about, so there is only so much room in her head to worry about things. And those werewolf bodyguards? They just argued over whether Edward was allowed in, so much so that Edward was just able to stroll on in.
Refer to the picture.
Edward then starts talking about someone called Harley. who is presented as if we know him. Do we? I cannot remember him being mentioned ever before. Harley can identify vampires. That is not an especially impressive skill in a world where vampires are very out and proud. I could probably identify a vampire. They’re the guys who don’t breathe and act like entitled nutbags.
Edward and Jean-Claude left to fetch Edward’s friend.
I can’t believe this line is in a book intended for anyone over the age of fourteen.
I just find this one line to be an example of all the problems with LKH’s writing. Seriously. It’s lazy and flat. She has no idea how to present ideas correctly, or how to block characters through a scene so they are used effectively. Her writing style is that of an inexperienced teenager. In short, she does not know what she is doing.
Anita is all angry that she showed weakness and almost ‘died’.
“I fainted, for God’s sake, I never faint.”
Do you have a problem with your memory? You faint all the time. ALL THE TIME. It’s probably the cause of your memory loss. She also states that Richard is more bothered about joining with JC and his big old French cooties than he is about taking the life of a fellow human being. Priorities – yours are fucked up.
Edward and JC return with Edward’s exciting friend. Even though Anita said she knew him, since we are treated to a page of unnecessary description, I guess he must be new. He is not impressive, as he is not all delicate and sexy, but sounds a little mad and dangerous.
oh and the whole hitman plot?
It’s completely wrapped up.
Edward fixed it all. Offscreen. With the help of his buddy. The resolution of one of the two major plots was so uninteresting to LKH that she decided to write about makeouts for a hundred pages instead.
Refer to picture.
Marcus, the guy who Richard must kill, is conveniently behind the attacks. This is despite Marcus being an entirely reasonable guy in The Lunatic Cafe. Well, he didn’t like Anita shooting people in the face, so he must be evil.
“It’s all so convenient,” Edward said with a happy lilt to his voice.
ahahahaha lampshade hanging only works if you’re not trying to play it straight.
Anita is now upset that Harley is staring at her.
“But why me?”
“You’re a girl maybe?”
“Stop it, Edward. Whatever he’s thinking, it isn’t sex, and if it is, I don’t want to know the details.”
Of course, everything must be about sex.
Refer to picture.
Harley is a robot masquerading as a person. He is programmed to take orders from only one person because apparently that is how people work. He has picked Anita to command people because, and I quote, ‘You’re the scariest motherfucker in the room’.
No matter how many times you try to sell me that Anita Blake is ‘scary’, I am not going to buy it.
Harley is blind but psychic, so he sees what is really there. Anita thinks a deeply ableist inner monologue about how much she dislikes him.
“When you look at Edward, he always looks the same to you. I mean you recognise him?”
“You’d recognise me,” I said.
LIKE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD
LKH HAS MANAGED TO SHIFT THROUGH THE BULLSHIT OF EXISTENCE TO PROVIDE A DEFINITIVE DEFINITION OF HOW PEOPLE RECOGNISE OTHERS.
I have stared into a void.
Did she really have to explain to us how recognition works? I mean, really? And this is the book people have told me is the last really great Anita Blake book?
Her writing is bad. Just so, so bad. I can’t believe how truly awful her writing is.
Harley ends the chapter by saying that it would be bad if Edward and Anita were to die.
My sweet lord. This is reaching Beekeeper’s Apprentice (which I still maintain is the worst book I have ever read) bad. Anita Blake has made me angry before, but this chapter made me angry on a level where I wanted to rip the book into shreds without bothering to read the rest.
And I ain’t been that angry in a long while.