A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Killing Dance’ chapter thirty three


Anita was dumped on a bed until she woke up from her magic coma. Someone put a damp flannel on her head. Yeah, damp cloth will help with unconsciousness. Nice to see that no one understands basic first aid in this universe.

She wakes up and JC and Richard are arguing about her.

“How can you let her die when you could save her?” Richard asked.

Um…. Richard, did you try getting any medical help? I can’t buy that you think she’s dying when your idea of help is to put a piece of wet cloth on her face. That is not what people do when the person they love is dying. That is what you do when you’re hot or have a headache.

“I do not believe she is dying, but even if she was, without her permission, I will never again invade her mind.”

HA. You’ve never invaded Anita’s mind before, have you JC. You’re so moral.

Richard demands JC rape Anita’s mind to save her life. Well. That’s original.

Anita sits up, pulling off the flannel, and suddenly Richard is all care and concern and not asking another man to violate his girlfriend’s mind to ‘save’ her life. He asks how she feels, which uh, she was unconscious. And you didn’t do anything. She might have cracked her skull and got a concussion only to die later. I wish.

Damian is all fine now, and it’s all brushed off as the magic kicking Anita out of the proverbial bed and someone talks about souls but even though four people are talking, LKH refuses to acknowledge just who is saying what because knowing what characters are doing and saying in a scene IS BAD. Oh, and Damian is ok.

Dominic then walks out, saying that tomorrow night they will heal Sabin. Isn’t that when Richard is fighting Marcus?

Richard glanced behind at Jean-Claude, then back to me. “You stopped breathing for a few seconds. No heartbeat, either. I thought you were dying.”

And your solution was to dump her on a bed and put a flannel on her face?

That is not what you do WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS DYING.

YOU CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE.

AND DO SOME CPR.

FOR THE EVERLOVING SAKE OF FUCK

LKH, DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU’VE WRITTEN?

HOW CAN I EVER THINK THAT ANY SCENE HAS ANY TENSION OR RAMIFICATIONS IN YOUR FICTIONAL UNIVERSE WHEN THE RESPONSE OF THE LOVE INTERESTS OF YOUR AUTHOR AVATAR IS TO MOISTEN HER FACE?

ARGHHHHH

SAVE ME WOLVERINE

oh you hairy short canadian, why must i have such a connection with you? I just want to run around and be immortal and have berserker rage too! Quick childhood aside: i have been an x-man fan since i was a child, and i always loved wolverine for bizarre reasons that i wanted to be his quirky female sidekick. I think that’s why X-23 is my favourite comic series of all time, because she is the me I wanted to be. Well, without the childhood trauma and pain and assassinations and killing beloved friends. But you get the picture.

Can you tell how much I do not wish to read this any more. I refuse to believe that Hamilton is an actual serious person when she tries to get me to buy this bullshit. I just want to talk about how I wanted to be Wolverine when I was six and owned a totally bitchin’ Gambit figurine. My memories carry more emotion and tension than this whole 385 page book.

Anita asks if anyone bothered to do anything. JC and Richard confirm they did not. They considered making her a human servant but eh, effort. Richard says he’s going to go out and fight Marcus tonight (even though… no) and says that JC can’t come along. He has the cooties. JC’s response is that he can’t taste food through Richard.

That makes no sense. Why is he talking about food now? What does that have to do with Richard ripping off the head of a guy who doesn’t deserve it and Anita not dying?

Apparently it means that JC does not know who is the master and who is the servant. I have no idea what is happening. JC complains that this is breaking down his powerbase and all he has worked for. Yeah, like JC has any real power or is deserving of any respect. He then strokes Anita’s ego by saying that Dominic is no match for her.

I guess that’s why he had to handhold her through all of the last chapter.

JC says that if they joined up they would become an unstoppable force against all those opposed them. At least until Anita fainted and JC and Richard would be running around helplessly.

You know who doesn’t run around helplessly?

Wolverine.

Just sayin’.

oh yeah you kill mobsters at a buddist funeral. you kill them in a nice suit.

Richard says they’re going to be partners, and Anita coos over how naive he is. I don’t think you’re in any position to criticise people’s decisions, Anita. Richard says that if JC lies, he’ll kill him.

“Once you decide to kill someone, it becomes easier to kill others, doesn’t it?”

That’s the faux philosophical BS I would expect from someone who understands nothing of the mentality or psychology of killing others. Not that I know anything, but making decisions is a far cry from actually doing the thing. But thinking that he can kill people means that Richard is promising now that he can kill all the people he wants.

I don’t buy that Richard can kill people.

Now here is a guy who can kill people.

There is never too much Wolverine. NEVER.

 

 

 

 

 

never

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15 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Killing Dance’ chapter thirty three

  1. I used to like Wolverine to a degree. In the 80’s. Before he turned into God Mode Wolvie who has to be in every variation of the X-Men & Co. Sigh. But yes, he does make this better by simply existing within the review. Just because we all know he would very easily deal with all of this shit in a day or so, then walk out of St. Louis calmly smoking a cigar. Or calmly riding his motorcycle. Or *a* motorcycle that some poor bastard “lent” him.

    • Oh, god, believe me, I agree. ‘Wolverine publicity’ does go too far, and forgets what is good about the character, concentrating only on what is perceived as *cool*. So less discussions of the meaningless of a life which does not end and which only seems to destroy the lives of those who are drawn into a connection with your existence, and instead turns it into ‘OMG WOLVERINE WITH THE CLAWS AND THE ANGER AND THE LETS MAKE HIM FIGHT WITH SCOT ALL THE TIME BECAUSE SCOT IS JUST AN ASS AND WOLVERINE IS THE BEST ALL THE TIMEEEEEE’.

      I have a lot of Wolverine feels. A lot. I have a lot of opinions on the discrepancy between how he should be written and how he is written.

      And yes, feed my Wolverine destroying Anita fantasy. You can bet that I will be on the back of *his* motorbike.

      • I do admit, I find it fun when he and Scott fight, because I think Scott is a shit and has been ever since he left Maddie and his son and ran back to Jean like a whipped puppy with his tail between his legs. But yeah; those fights seem to define Wolverine a lot; kind of how Rogue x Gambit came to (unfortunately) define both of them for over a damn decade. (And still does, FFS, does it never end!?) I wish one writer would just cut down the teams and comics, and handle it all, instead of twenty of them writing a bunch of crap and contradicting themselves. /tl;dr X-Men rant

        Just imagine this, and all is well: http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/uncanny-x-men-132-pic1-wolverine.jpg

      • Oh hairy violent immortal mutants. the best kind of mutant.

        Your rant is spot-on regarding the X-Men. It’s fractured, and doesn’t really focus on character based story telling any more. I mean, I don’t mind Scot, but because he represents authority that means he has to be a dick. He is presented as an antagonist because people like Logan who is anti-authority, so he is made into a dick.

        Rogue and Gambit frustrates me. For the love of Loki, so what you can’t touch? The Piemaker and Chuck couldn’t touch, but they had a respectful, loving relationship. Stop mining the Rogue/Gambit relationship for cheap drama!

      • It wouldn’t let me directly reply to your last answer, so I had to reply to this one further up the list. Weird.

        Anyway, Rogue and Gambit kind of highlight what exactly does drive me mad about the whole X-Men Family; ever since Claremont left, it’s turned into one massive clusterfuck of The World Hates Us, and We Can’t Find Our Asses With a Map. Rogue can’t touch anyone because the writers didn’t feel like ever addressing the actual issue (until so very recently, thank the gods), just to mine eternal angst out of her. So the Rogue and Gambit relationship grew so massively ridiculous it swallowed them both to the point one could barely function without the other; it was an abusive relationship, frankly. And yet it was presented as the pinnacle of romance!

        And that’s the X-Men in a nutshell; one-dimensional angst. Even culling the majority of the mutants in M-Day was a wasted attempt to get back to basics, since they ignored the whole thing for several years. That was why I loved Captain Britan and MI:13, and Warren Ellis’ Excalibur; they correctly pointed out that mutants could live just fine when they weren’t in America and weren’t dysfunctional superheroes who kept destroying everything. Now we have a Scott Summers who’s gone all the way ’round from Straight Edge Summers to Shank You in The Eye Summers because….I guess because now he and Wolverine have switched places, har har har. And Jubilee is a vampire, which is sadly the most character growth she’s had in decades. *headdesk*

      • Stagnation. That’s the problem with comics at the moment. Writers can’t bear to treat the characters as characters – with actual growth – because it will change the status quo too much.

        So what? All characters must evolve and change. A character now should be in a different place from where they were ten years ago. It’s because they’re afraid people will get upset if they change too much. Well, I don’t think they change enough.

      • The stagnation is what kills me. And is what has made me stay away from buying comics for years; every time I take a look, it makes me curl inwards.

        And then they cancel the ones I do like.

  2. I have been approaching this series wrong. I should not get angry at it… I should love it. It is a shining beacon of hope! Every time I think my own writing career will never succeed, I can come here and read Anita Blake, and realize authors worse than I was at age 15 get published ALL THE TIME.

    There is always hope. Anita (indirectly) taught me this.

    • I adore X-23, even though she suffers from the same intrinsic problems as Wolverine. As a character, I find it refreshing to have a female lead who is allowed to be a cold killer and not have to be on this quest to be cured through man love. And I totally wanted to be here before X-23 really existed as a concept, so it’s a meshing of the kid I was with the writer.appreciator of good stories I am now.

  3. Sorry, but I have to say it – I just didn’t like The Wolverine. Mostly because I don’t think that Logan (or at least movie-verse Logan) is interesting enough to support a movie on his own (see Origins: Wolverine for further proof). It’s better than his previous solo outing, but it’d be hard not to be better than that.

    I prefer the X-Men movies to have an ensemble cast, because it’s, you know, the X-Men, plural. Which is why I liked X-Men: First Class so much. That and how wonderfully tragic the main plot is (why do you have to go evil, Erik? Why?). The bright, comicbook-y costumes and retconing away of the previous two films doesn’t hurt, either.

    • BLASPHEMY

      No, just kidding, if you don’t care for Wolverine, I – well, I don’t want to say something patronising like ‘Well, that’s okay’, but we all have different superhero preferences.

      X-Men: First Class is such a good movie, even if it’s a bit clunky at times. I just thought it was genius to combine it with the Cuban Missile Crisis.

      • I think Wolverine can be interesting, but the movie makers became too focused on having him do awesome things rather than be an interesting character. His whole mysterious past was interesting, but when they finally made a movie about his past, they skipped most of the potentially interesting stuff to get to how he got his adamantium claws. Because that’s way more interesting than seeing him in all those wars they crammed into the intro credits.

        But apart from his mysterious past, he’s just an angry, hairy guy with claws. And that just doesn’t interest me as a film goer. Plus, he’s kinda disrespectful of Japanese culture in the movie, so that’s annoying. Because I’m pretty sure he’s not like that in the comics.

      • Yeah, there’s a lot a lot a lot more to Wolverine in the comics…. when they don’t descend into I’M AWESOME CAUSE I KILL PEOPLE.

        The Origins film annoyed me on so many levels, because it completely fucked up his history. They had to make everyone else so eeeeevvvvilllllllll to make him look good, when the reason why he volunteered for Weapon X was because he was a bad guy.

        He really assimilates in the comics, mainly because he had a Japanese wife and child before Marico. But I gave him a bit of leeway on the culture thing on the film because he’s all grumpy and grieving and does not want to be in this film, at all. I’m too much of a fangirl to be completely non-biased, alas.

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