I went to see The Wolverine again last night. I loved seeing it again, but there was one small problem. I went to see it with my mother, and when it came to the love scene… she made fisting jokes.
I love my mother. But now I can’t see that movie in quite the same way again. And neither can you.
Seriously though, it’s better than thinking about the ramifications of the Anita Blake universe.
Dominic Dumare shows up, examines the undead zombie vampires, and says he can theoretically help. Anita gets all bitchy about this, even though this villain has shown up on his own dime to help her out, and she ought to be more grateful. She tells him about the triforce.
I’d had to tell him. I understood enough about ritual magic to know that if we withheld how we’d gotten this much power, anything Dominic helped us come up with wouldn’t work. It would be like telling the police it was a burglary when it was really a murder. They’d be trying to solve the wrong crime.
How stupid do you think I am?
Look, Hamilton, you do not need to explain the concept of full disclosure to me. I am not stupid. You do not need to trot out the dumbest metaphor to try and explain to me why Anita must tell Dominic everything. You just need to say that Anita needs to tell Dominic everything, otherwise the magic would go wrong. Don’t hold my hand through your bullshit. I can walk fine by myself.
Happily, Dominic spends the whole time asking why Anita doesn’t bother trying out what she can do with her powers.
OH OBVIOUS VILLAIN YOU ARE CUTTING THROUGH THE CRAP AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL
Dominic says that magic is shaped by belief, so if Anita believes she can’t do something, then she won’t be able to do it. This makes perfect sense to me, but Richard whines about how nonsensical this all is.
“Actually,” I said, “it does. I’ve seen people with a lot of raw talent that couldn’t raise anything. One guy was convinced it was a mortal sin so he just blocked it out. But he shone with power whether he wanted to accept it or not.”
… so you knew all this already. And yet you do nothing with your powers.
Richard says this can’t be true because shapeshifters are shapeshifters no matter what, and I just want to hit him. With a bar. Or let him get fisted by Wolverine. Dominic shrugs and says he guesses it’s why lycanthropy is a curse. Richard gets very insulted and JC tries to smooth everything over.
Cassie asks how Anita raised the vampires in the daylight, if she doesn’t believe she can do it.
She had joined in the metaphysical discussion like it was a graduate class in magical theory. I’d met people like her in college. Theorists who had no real magic of their own. But they could sit around for hours debating whether a theoretical spell could work. They treated magic like higher physics, a pure science without any true way of testing. Heaven forbid the ivory tower magicians should actually try out their theories in a real spell. Dominic would have fit in well with them, except he had his own magic.
Why are you being so dismissive of Dominic? Why are you insulting Cassie? The pair of them have done nothing but offer to help. Cassie asked a very pertinent question, so you dismiss her right to be interested in a field which she has studied and knows about? What is your problem with women, Anita?
Dominic says it’s something that happened in an extreme situation, like people having sudden super-human strength to save people in stressful events.
Anita just repeats that it is all impossible and no one can do any of it, how could she do it, it’s impossible.
STOP HAVING CIRCULAR DISCUSSIONS. DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP.
JC then goes on about how it’s impossible, even though it keeps happening to Anita, therefore making it not impossible and very possible.
Dominic and Cassie flirt and they are my new ship.
Anita dislikes characters being likeable in front of her and demands to know how to solve the raised vampires without ‘screwing them up’. Dominic asks for a better definition on this broad term, so JC snaps at him about joking. Anita says she wants the vampires to be normal and unaffected. Dominic then remarks how wonderful Anita would be as a human servant if a vampire could tame her.
Right, well, my ship sank quickly. Dominic is the obvious evil, but he is now a creepy evil and I can’t get with that.
I like my villains to be suave motherfuckers, savvy?
JC laughs and it sends shivers across Anita’s skin. Richard shouts at JC for the crime of sending shivers across his girlfriend’s skin.
Here’s to your adamantium enema, bub.
Anita gets fed up with this and asks if Dominic is going to help. Why else do you think he’s here? To enjoy the subtleties of your conversation? She then decides to insult Dominic and say what a lousy necromancer he is and how he couldn’t possibly teach her anything so why is he even here.
It’s like she doesn’t even know how to work as a real person.
Dominic asks, politely, for the precise details of the spell so he can teach her something that ought to solve the raised vampire problem.
“You come up with it, I can pull it off.”
He smiled. “Arrogance is not a becoming trait in a woman.”
Someone just took a skip and a jump into Scary Stu territory. And it is not appreciated.
JC pacifies the Great and All Powerful Anita Blake by saying how sexy her arrogance is, and Anita pities herself by saying how scared she is that she’s hurt the vampires. You know, as if she felt real actual human emotion.
May I remind you all that Anita is supposed to be solving Sabin’s rot face and finding Robert’s murderers? This book has too many plots and yet no plot at all.