All I want to do is eat chocolate cake. I just want to eat a big chocolate cake and not think about golf.
Richard notices that something is wrong with Anita and she admits that, oh no, someone is paying people to kill her. They agree to get out of here and get home. Catherine is oblivious and just thinks ‘what a loving couple’ as she waves off her friend who is jumping at shadows and freaking out. Me, I notice that sort of thing about my friends. Then again, any of us would be glad to get Anita Blake out of our house asap.
Richard tries to calm her down by being sexist.
“It’s almost nice to know that this assassin business has unnerved you, too. I don’t want you afraid, but sometimes it’s hard to be your guy when I think you may be braver than I am. That sounds like macho crap, doesn’t it?”
Yes. Yes, it does. It sounds ridiculous to this woman who comes from a matriarchal family full of women who take no shit from anyone. The women in my family are the bravest women that I know. They have never had any ‘masculinity’ issues with their men, just infidelity, abuse, and bullshit. I suspect that it sounds ridiculous to anyone. Bravery and gender stereotyping should have nothing to do with each other.
Anita starts to feel itching about being in public, so the pair drive to her home in Richard’s vintage 60s Mustang (OH GOD A MUSTANG HOW LOVELY and i am actually being genuine for once). They park outside Anita’s apartment and make out for a bit and giggle about sex, because this isn’t how every slasher film ever starts. I thought you were worried about being shot, Anita. Because you seem to really be out in the open here.
Anita starts to panic, but not about the prospect of getting shot. Just about how she doesn’t think they should get married just so they can have sex and I’m just kinda… meh. Anita doesn’t seem to have any reason to be so anti-sex and never provides one. She then goes on about the qualities that she loves about Richard that do not involve his face, mainly how they share an interest in biology.
Once I’d thought I’d spend my life as a field biologist like a preternatural Jane Goodall.
Well, that’s mightily interesting. Mainly because that was LKH’s dream. And that one of her heroes is Jane Goodall. And she goes on and on about her interest in biology. Huh.
Anita then whines about how she must date Richard and JC at the same time and how chastity is just so hard, ugh.
They finally get out the care and run into Mrs Pringle, she of the great advice. She’s got a big TV in the boot of her car. Richard offers to carry it upstairs for her, as he can behave politely in society.
My, my, Grandma, what strong hands you have.”
“I could carry the television up alone, but it might arouse suspicions.”
It was a thirty-inch wide screen. “You could really carry it up the stairs yourself?”
Wow, a man can carry a television. What a truly remarkable feat of superhuman strength that I have never seen easily achieved in my life. Anita puts a hand on the television to show that she’s willing, and they get it to Mrs Pringle’s apartment. Anita says that Richard will install it and gets out of there, suddenly worrying about getting killed again.
… why was Mrs Pringle coming back from the shops with a television really late at night?
On my knees I was a lot shorter than chest level.
Um, no shit.
Then a man with a shotgun pops up from somewhere. I have no idea where he was but he fires a hole through Anita’s front door and she fires back and Richard yells at her to get down so she does and the assassin is dead.
Anita phones Catherine and the police and Richard makes quips about how it’s never boring to be dating her. His eyes glow with the wolf for a bit. Anita has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Well, I want to laugh too but I don’t think it’s for the same reason.