A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Bloody Bones’ chapter thirty four


A few notes before today’s chapter.

I was looking over posts in LKH’s blog, something I swore I’d never do, and I found a few gems. Not only are her blog posts way TMI, I found this:

Laurell has always been a family / child friendly author

And read various accounts of people dressing up their children as characters to meet her.

Uh, I have never read a less child friendly series. If you are encouraging your young children to read books full of gory murders and bestiality, then there is something very wrong with you.

And then this, from a woman who claims that Anita is in no way based on her:

 Let’s just say that once I enjoyed flying. I thought it was fun until the memorable day that I watched the plane I was in ceiling fast enough, and far enough to press the stewardess to the ceiling of the plane, as if she’d been glued there. It was in that moment that I stopped enjoying airplane rides.

Sound familiar? Anita gave exactly the same story. That’s a real nice author avatar you got there.

Right, the chapter.

Ivy has hold of Anita’s neck.  Lawrence could shoot Ivy – it’d kill Anita, but who cares? Lawrence just can’t make himself do it, so throws his gun away. Anita shoves her cross in Ivy’s face, and the vampire’s head sets on fire. Ivy flails around, letting Anita go, and becomes trapped by crosses and ‘two true believers’.

We advanced on the vampire. She threw both arms up before her face and screamed, “Nooo!”

TPhoto_00052

The fact she actually has villains screaming ‘Nooo!’ cracks me up every time. And it makes my nose go all pointy.

Anita stabs Ivy in the heart and lops her head off. Unfortunately, the power that Ivy’s death exudes bursts out the circle and frees the rawhead from it’s cage. Nice job breaking it, Anita. She pulls back the power to wake up all the bodies in the cemetery and they all jump up looking alive and shit. They’re all Bouviers, so Stirling can’t build his hotel here.

Except that Stirling and his cronies all pull guns out to kill Anita, the zombies, and the Bouviers (Dorcas has children suddenly, who knew?). Rawhead appeared in his head and promised him all the land because… uh, wasn’t he just able to buy that tiny parcel of land they had? Why is his plan to murder everyone when he can get the land legally?

Anita orders all the zombies in front of them and the Stirling gang shoot at them, something which has never proven itself to be effective with zombies in the past. Bayard says that they can’t just kill them, so Stirling shoots him in the stomach.

From less than ten inches away, you could shoot nearly anything with a .45.

From a distance of ten inches, I should imagine anyone could hit anything with a gun.

Stirling and the female secretary Anita hates try to get through the zombies. Anita orders them to rip the secretary apart. Stirling walks over the ripped apart corpse to pint a gun vaguely in the direction of Anita and Lawrence, and managed to pose enough of a threat that Anita orders the zombies off. I don’t know why Stirling is so threatening, with his single gun in an army of controlled zombies, but it’s all super dangerous suddenly.

Anita decides the best course of action is to wrestle Stirling to the ground. There’s a scuffle, and the gun goes off, and now Lawrence has a gun, so Anita breaks Stirling’s arm.

I’m not sure why anything happened. I’m not sure what’s happened.

Anita sends the zombies back to ground. The female secretary is inexplicably alive. Stirling is rolling around cradling his arm. Bayard is dead. Anta considers killing everyone to cover the fact she committed a capital crime i.e. using magic as a killing weapon.

Than Janos appears, looking like Skeletor, announcing that they have the boy.

this…. was a messy chapter.

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