A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Bloody Bones’ chapter four


After spending an evening debating how offensive Samantha Brick is, I get to read Anita Blake. Yay. (If you have never heard of Brick, I would say search for her. You will get righteous rage, but you’ll feel better about yourself)

This chapter isn’t too bad, mainly because it’s short.

It opens up with a lot of description of the graveyard and the bodies; it’s nice and Hamilton is trying to do ‘proper author stuff’. I just wish it wasn’t in Anita’s annoying narrative twang.

Stirling has brought Anita up here to lie and say that none of the bodies are Bouvier, to save his expensive real estate project. Huh? I thought the project was for a different family, but he’s an investor too? Eh? Anita says that zombies can’t lie and that she won’t lie for him, something I can respect her for. Stirling offers a bribe of several billion dollars, but she won’t relent. She asks why the Bouviers won’t sell.

“You’re a control freak, Mr. Stirling. You’ve overseen every detail of this deal. You have personally seen that every ‘i’ was dotted, every ‘t’ crossed. This is your baby. You know everything about the Bouviers and their problem. Just tell me.”

For a start, how do you know he is a control freak? He hasn’t shown any signs of being overly controlling. I guess that’s what you get slapped with when you question Anita’s weaponry. Secondly, what does the business of the Bouvier family have to do with you, Anita? You’re just the woman hired to raise the zombies. Ain’t nout to do with you.

Stirling says everyone calls the family witches, as if this is a regular thing to swap with a woman you ought to fire. Anita refers to him by his first name, and he says that she mustn’t do that. Her beeper goes off, because she didn’t think to tell the St. Louis police she’s kinda not in the state.

“Why would the police be calling you?”

So much for being a household name. “I’m the legal vampire executioner for a three-state area. I’m attached to the Regional Preternatural Investigation Team.”

Why would you be a household name?

I can’t name the surgeon general. I don’t know who runs OFCOM (though I’d like to let them know how their organisation called me stupid). I know the people who are important to my situation. I know most of the cabinet and the opposition, because they’re important. I would not know, if I lived in the Anita Blake universe, who was my regional vampire executioner. As I am neither a vampire or involved in the process of execution, those who enforce the law would be entirely unknown to me. They would be unimportant to me, other than maintaining the law.

After showing Anita the view, Stirling says they should go down and get her a phone for calling the police.

“Yes, I’m ready to go down.”

It was an interesting choice of words, a Freudian slip you might say. Stirling has wanted this land for some perverse reason.

…. what?

It was not a Freudian slip. He didn’t say ‘I’m ready to go down on you’ which would be a Freudian slip. He said he would like to go down, a perfectly reasonable phrase in this situation.

And why do you presume he wants this land for a perverse reason? He might want to open a park. It’s not like he’s said ‘I’m going to build a den where I can rape children’.

Eugh.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Bloody Bones’ chapter four

  1. I’ve made the same rant on my LJ on why Anita’s absurd fame as a vampire executioner (tabloid magazines stalk her, press tries to take photos of her at a grisly crime scene instead of the charred body, etc.) makes no sense. Most people have no idea who the local sheriff is, why should they know the local vampire executioner in a world where that’s an actual everyday job and not a really cool-sounding out-there idea like it is in ours? I think it might be due to desires for similar fame on LKH’s part, since the star of her Merry Gentry series (basically fairy Anita with red hair) is outright stated as more famous that Elvis.

    Control freak? Anita, there’s this little thing called projecting…

    Wow, everything really was about sex in this series before it even had sex in it.

    • More famous than Elvis?

      THIS WOMAN IS OUT TO INSULT EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR.

      (My family are huuuuuggeee Elvis fans, have been since my grandmother was a teenager. If there is one thing you don’t insult around us, it’s the King. And LKH compared … ugh. UGH)

      • To be completely fair, I think the exact quote was that people report sightings of the Princess Merry more than they do sightings of Elvis, but yeah.

        and omg I remember this Brick lady ugh

      • Well, that does make sense. I’d notice a great big fairy woman more than thinking that the guy down the chip shop swears he’s Elvis.

        Yeah, me and Ukulele Girl were watching her try and defend her moronic articles. She was destroyed, totally and utterly.

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