A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Bloody Bones’ chapter three


Anita’s on the helicopter, having a panic attack. I should not take gratification from the pain of another, but any time Anita is disturbed or upset makes me so happy that I wish to dance about the room.

I wanted to use both hands to hold on[to a strap on the side of the helicopter], as if by holding very tightly to the stupid strap it would save me when the helicopter plummeted to earth. I used one hand because two hands looked cowardly.

Oh no, it’d be the worst to show that you may be afraid of flying, a very commonplace fear that the helicopter pilot will see on a regular basis.

I hadn’t realised that most of a helicopter was clear, like being suspended in a great buzzing, vibrating bubble.

….

what?

That does not look like a bubble to me. That looks like the inside of a helicopter.

Lionel Bayard asks if she’s okay, and Anita immediately thinks that he believes she is incapable of doing the job. God forbid you show concern for someone who is clearly afraid of flying. He’s also blond –

*KLAXON NOISE*

and wearing practically all-yellow. Just another example of how no one in these books wears anything that is nice. Lawrence, accompanying Anita, laughs at how she’s afraid of flying. Real nice going, Larry. Way to be a dick. Bayard then asks if Anita is actually up to the job, and Anita tries to argue that she doesn’t know which is bollocks as we have seen her do it before. He then talks about how Mr Stirling, the senior partner, will be on site to oversee the job which makes me just laugh and laugh.

I just got into Mad Men so heeeeeeeeeeee.

Bayard also implies that there are more problems, which is a dumb thing to do. Dangle a way for Anita to infect your life, and she’ll clamp down on that like a dog on a rabbit. Bayard refuses to stoop to her level, even when she insults him, and Lawrence says that they’re coming in to land. Anita shuts her eyes until the nastiness is over. Like reading one of her adventures. Getting out, she flashes off her legs to all the workmen on the busy graveyard site. You could have worn trousers, you know. More practical for going around work sites and avoid showing off your legs. But that was the purpose, wasn’t it, Hamilton, hmmm?

Three people approach the landed party. Anita immediately presumes that the men are in charge, not the woman. After all, Hamilton appears to despise the ovaried amongst us with a vitriol normally associated with video game forums.

The woman wore the traditional skirt suit complete with little blousy tie at her throat. The suit was expensive, but was an unfortunate shade of puce that did nothing for the woman’s auburn hair but did match the blush that she’d smeared on her cheeks. I checked her neckline, and yes, she did have a pale line just above the collar where the base had not been blended in. She looked like she’d been made up at clown school.

She didn’t look that young. You’d think someone somewhere would have clued her into how bad she looked. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell her either. Who was I to criticize?

I guess that’s why you devoted so many words to criticising her. You’d think someone, somewhere, would have told Anita to be polite and to have manners. Of course, that’s what I’ve been saying for four books so I doubt she’s suddenly going to sprout polite behaviour.

Raymond Stirling greets Anita and says that she’s nothing like he expected. He says that she’s pretty (which is inappropriate) and that she’s not dressed correctly for the job (this is appropriate, and entirely correct). Anita talks back to him and complains. Stirling dislikes her attitude, which is far enough – Anita’s got an attitude problem bigger than the true form of Castiel. Anita then insults him.

It is painful to read how awful a person she is sometimes, it really is.

Ms. Harrison [the woman Anita insulted] looked like she’d swallowed a bug. A big, nasty, squirming bug. I think I’d missed my cue to fall down and worship at her boss’s feet.

He was not asking you to ‘fall down and worship’ at his feet, you big fucking child. Stirling asked you to do a job. You turned up unprepared to to the job and spout off at him.

“Are you always this arrogant?” [Stirling] asked.

I sighed. “I prefer the word ‘confident’ to arrogant’, but I’ll tell you what. I’ll tone it down if you will.”

Someday, Anita will be killed, slowly and painfully. And I hope I get to write it. I could write something very unpleasant.

There’s some faff about how Anita can’t work until dark, and about how if the cemetery is the Bouvier family plot then the land… will just have nothing done to it. Well, you can at least try to find out what happened to Marge’s dad. That would be good. Anyway, the Bouviers don’t want to sell the land because they have a restaurant called ‘Bloody Bones’.

that is a stupid name for a restaurant.

Anita and Lawrence change into overalls, and this exposes her massive weapons collection to her employers.

“Ms Blake,” Stirling said. “Why are you armed?”

I sighed. I was tired of Raymond.

No, that’s a perfectly valid to question to ask. I’d ask why a woman I’d hired had turned up with a suitcase full of guns. Anita’s response is the totally intellectual and not childish answer of thrusting her scarred arms into the faces of her employers. May I remind you all, including her, that the scars have come from human and vampire attacks, and have nothing to do with zombies. So it does not prove her point at all.

And she didn’t bring any guns for Lawrence. I guess if any danger crops up Lawrence will get eaten alive while Anita runs off to a safe distance.

The coverall went over the skirt like magic.

The stupid really hurts sometimes.

Anita and Stirling go off to the graveyard on their own, making me question why they wanted Lawrence to come with her at all.

Boy, I bet the next chapter is going to be just amazing.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Bloody Bones’ chapter three

  1. “Someday, Anita will be killed, slowly and painfully. And I hope I get to write it. I could write something very unpleasant”

    I WOULD *LOVE* FOR YOU TO WRITE THIS OMG

  2. “The coverall went over the skirt like magic.”
    You know how children have no sense of object permanence? Just saying.
    In what world is shoving your scars in someone’s face an appropriate answer to “Hey, you have enough weapons to make Freud blush. Why did you bring them to a business meeting?”
    I can picture Anita sighing loudly at the perfectly reasonable questions and rolling her eyes dramatically while everyone else is too mature or polite to bring up just how frustrating this woman-child is.

    • Oh, she is getting so child-ish. In the first few books, she was infuriating but at least partially competent. Now she’s devolved into ‘anything I do to make a point is RIGHT and those who disagree are arseholes’.

      Object permanence. I like it. It would explain many things about Anita, that she had the brain of a newborn baby.

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