A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty six


I’m so sorry I left my book at home. A daft mistake to make.

Right, where did we leave off? Oh yes, Anita was going to shake down Elvira Drew based on a description of her eyes. She is SUCH a great detective, guise. She’s driven to Drew’s home with Zerbrowski, with Dolph (who needs a nickname to describe how impotent he is. Rather than, you know, impotent) following behind.

A patrol car followed us down the gravel driveway. Dolph parked behind a vivid green Grand Am. The car matched her eyes.

I thought she had ocean eyes?

The big blue wet thing….

“If she’s a murderer, why’d she give you her actual address?” Zerbrowski asked.

I don’t know, Mister Policeman, why do criminals do any of the stupid things they do. The level of ignorance displayed by the policemen in this books is ridiculous.

“We check out clients. They have to have a place of residence or some way of proving who they are. We demand more ID than most banks.”

“Why?”

Zerbrowski, you are a POLICE OFFICER. THIS SHOULD NOT BE A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND.

“Because every once in a while we get a crazy. Or a tabloid reporter. We have to know who we’re dealing with. I bet she tried to pay cash with no ID and when asked for three forms of it, she wasn’t prepared.”

… then wouldn’t that be an immediate red flag that she was up to no good?

why are you all so stupid

Anita and Zerbrowski march up to Drew’s front door and she answers.

Dolph muttered, “Eyes like the ocean.”

OH COME ON.

There hadn’t been time to get a warrant. Dolph wasn’t even sure we could have gotten one with what we had. The color of someone’s eyes wasn’t exactly proof.

If there’s not enough proof for a warrant, there probably isn’t a case. And working without a warrant? Great way to scupper the case before it’s even started. Her defence lawyer has got enough ammo for reasonable doubt.

Drew immediately asks them if they have a warrant, to which they have to concede ‘no’. Drew refuses to let them in.

I grabbed the front of her robe, yanking it tight enough to know she wasn’t wearing a bra. “We either go past you or through you.”

The Single Female Lawyer hired by the city to contest all of Anita’s insane investigations has just gotten Elvira Drew freed. Nice going Anita.

Anita, in front of a whole group of police officers, then threatens to murder Elvira if there isn’t enough proof to prosecute the woman. Oh, well done there. That’s real clever of you. The police get Anita away before she causes any more damage but they do not arrest her for assault. That would be the right thing to do.

Anita walks away from the house and thinks about knives. She thinks about how if Louis calls for help the police could go inside. She thinks about how the law sucks because it gets in the way of saving people. She looks at the house and decides to break in anyway.

I hate Anita. I really do. She is a despicable character.

I approached magic the same way I did everything else. Straight ahead. brute force.

You are stupid. That’s a terrible way to approach things that might kill you.

Anita kicks in the door – something Drew and the police manage to not hear – and runs inside. Hey, didn’t Anita have a serious knee injury? Whatever happened to that debilitating knee injury? She then runs into Elvira and they talk of the spell on the lock that was talked of so little I wasn’t aware there was one. Points of action in the plot should not be so subtle as to be missed easily. Anita screams so the police will come in and… Elvira does nothing. Just stands and watches. Wow. Real impressive mastermind there.

Elvira just walks away and then the police are in the house. They call out for Anita and she runs upstairs. The police are staring at Elvira, who has a shapeshifter wolf and leopard with her. The animals leap on the police officers, who had just been staring at them, and start ripping them to pieces. Anita kills both of the animals with ease.

Officer Kirlin had Ms. Drew handcuffed. Her green robe was gaping open and it was clear she had nothing on underneath.

I get it. She’s blonde so she must be a whore.

The police officers not in pieces stare at the clawed up Dolph and Zerbrowski, not even attempting to help. They don’t want to get the disease of lycanthropy. Anita screams at everyone and presses down on Zerbrowski’s intestines, which are slipping on the floor. She screams at everyone for not having silver bullets, and I will concede that she is right on that point. They are a force specialising in dealing with supernatural creatures. They should be properly equipped.

Well, they ought to arrest Anita too, but I don’t see that happening any time soon.

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9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty six

  1. Yeah, there totally was a knee injury mentioned. It’s never come up again to my memory. I think one of her arms too?

    one mention of how she’s not wearing a bra is weird enough. Two is just…I don’t even know.

  2. Yeah in the beginning she would complain about her knees being bad.

    She said one of her arms would have been rendered useless, but she had physical therapy.

    Does she even bring up the scars in later books?

    • She shows them off to SWAT guys in Skin Trade and bad guys in Flirt to prove how tough she is and they ooh and ahh accordingly, but they’re not brought up at any other time.

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