A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty one


A hot bath. Once more in the oversize T-shirt, sweatpants, and socks. I was going to be the worst dressed person in the room. I was planning to replace that black robe at the first opportunity.

I’m sorry, but that didn’t make much sense. Did you have the bath? Why not just say ‘I had the bath’?

She goes back into her living room and Richard and JC are waiting anxiously for her return.

Jean-Claude was sitting like a mannequin, one arm on the back of the couch, the other on the arm of the couch. One foot rested atop his knee showing his soft boots to perfection.

Every chapter just seems to try to get me to hate him even more. hate.

Anita tries to kick JC out of the apartment but he refuses to leave unless Richard leaves. Richard has to stay to look after Anita – after all, she’s got a concussion and hypothermia.

“Look at her, Richard. Does she look hurt?” [Jean-Claude] held up a graceful hand. “I admit she has sustained some damage. But she does not need your help. Perhaps she doesn’t even need mine.”

I really, really, really hate JC. hate.

Anita says she only invited Richard over but JC counters with ‘oh, but you did invite me, *snigger*’. Because she invited him into her apartment… uh, I can’t remember when, it means he’s allowed in any time he likes. Like any other man in this series. JC doesn’t want Richard to stay the night because he doesn’t want Anita to sleep with anyone that isn’t himself. Since when are you allowed to control her life, asswipe?

“You got the hots for him yourself?”

Zing! An actual good one, Anita. JC just looks Richard up and down and makes rapey comments about him.

“You sound like a rapist,” I said.

His smile blossomed in a surprised flash of fangs. “It is not a bad comparison.”

hate.

JC and Richard have decided to explore their powers. Yes, it is that much of a mood whiplash in the text. Anita is understandably fed up of having the most obnoxious and foul twatwaffle posing on her couch and tries to throw Richard and JC out. Richard, as a nice guy, is concerned about her head injury. JC, as a horrible dingleberry, demands that Anita kiss him goodnight and says she ought to be wearing sexy lingerie.

“If you give Richard kisses and do not allow me such privileges, then the agreement is off. If I cannot touch you, and he can, it is hardly fair.”

oh no the blackmailed agreement might be off oh shoot isn’t that dreadful

plus: FUCK OFF JEAN CLAUDE YOU OBNOXIOUS LITTLE SHIT BAG WITH AN ENTITLEMENT PROBLEM.

Richard, who I am rapidly falling in love with myself, says that Anita should only do what she’s comfortable with. JC, hate, tries using his magical hypnotism vampire powers to force Anita to do what he wants.

*hits JC with a copy of Wolf Hall* STOP BEING SO RAPEY, RAPIST.

Anita says she’ll do it, if it’ll stop Richard and JC fighting. JC tries using his powers but Richard starts glowing … I think. The casual use of male subjective personal pronouns is making it really difficult to tell what’s going on. Anita tells Richard he’s not allowed to attack JC (why the hell not?) and they should both get out now. This involved stroking JC’s bare stomach for some reason. She then revokes JC’s invitation and he flies out the door. You could have done that earlier, Anita.

She shoves Richard out and refuses to kiss him. What is wrong with you woman? He’s not rapey and cares that you don’t die of head trauma. And you’re defending Monsieur Twatwaffle?

This is the stupidest love triangle ever. Because there is no love, only blackmail and awful people. But at least *miniature drumroll* I got a scholarship for my Master’s Degree! Thereby proving that I win, on some sort of cosmic level.

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3 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty one

  1. “It is not a bad comparison” OH GOD WHAT WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT RUN ANITA RUN

    BTW, in the book I’m currently on, Richard has been retconned into having totally had rapist type urges from the beginning for real…despite it never ever coming up in the early books to my memory back when LKH still was with her husband. And of course all of JC’s much more rapey shit is totally forgotten/never mentioned in these same later books.

  2. Random detail I remember only because I remember reading it in your review last night, and not because it’s something I actually remember reading myself (this time). Anita invited Jean Claude in when he went with her to the Tenderloin, found Wheelchair Wanda, and brought them both back to her apartment.

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