A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty


Anita’s been allowed to go home, in her borrowed jogging bottoms, even though she has a touch of hypothermia.

The paramedics had only let me go because I promised to drink hot fluids and take a hot bath.

That is the last thing you should do if you are at risk of hypothermia. Bringing up the internal body temperature of someone affected so drastically can kill them. So they were shitty shitty paramedics.

She thinks a little about ‘huh, nagas’ and then realises that she still doesn’t have the key for her own home. Guess you’re fucked then, because you have to talk to Richard and then BABIES will come up.

Richard opens the door and naturally, Anita jumps on him. Well, he had the button of his jeans undone. What’s a girl with two serious medical conditions in as many days to do, other than to start making out with their significant other.

Unfortunately, JC is there. He walked into Anita’s apartment when Richard was asleep and refused to leave. All together now! What a guy.

Jean-Claude sat on my couch. The black shirt was spread around his naked torso. His arms were straight out along the back of the couch, raising the shirt, revealing nipples that were only two shades darker than his white skin.

GOD’S SAKE MAN PUT A JUMPER ON. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR NIPPLES. I WILL KNIT YOU A FUCKING JUMPER IF YOU WANT.

JC sniggers and talks about how he’s her new master and I want to pound him in the face with an oar. He’s come to see Anita and Richard because… hang on, we have Anita prattle to get through.

If I drank enough coffee and took a really hot bath, maybe I’d thaw out. My preference would have been a hot shower, quicker at four o’clock in the morning. But I’d promised the paramedics. Something about my core temperature.

They’re trying to kill you. This… this is all so wrong.

Anyway, I’m bored of JC and how no one is hitting him in the face with an oar, so I’m going to bullet point the next few pages.

  • JC laughs about how ‘Monsieur Zeeman’ is meant to be staying the night. He knows because he made Stephen tell him.
  • Richard says Sexist Stephen is under his protection.
  • Ah, but Stephen was given to JC, just as Richard was given by Marcus in the last book.
  • Richard says he belongs to no one. Hooray! Backbone!
  • JC goes all snide and suggests that Richard does not recognise Marcus as leader. That means Richard would have to fight Marcus for challenging authority. Or something.
  • Anita says she won’t date JC if he continues trying to get Richard killed.
  • Richard then says that Marcus doesn’t know that the snuff film from earlier had two endings.
  • JC knows about all the films because Raina, the evil bitch, offered him a starring role.
  • Anita is surprised about this, although she knows that JC is heavily involved with the films and was implied to have either starred in or was going to star in one in chapter twenty six.
  • Richard asks whether JC enjoyed it and this infuriates JC for some unknown reason. He counters back that Raina brags about Richard.
  • Aaaaaaannndddd then it gets awful.
  • Richard was forced to have sex with Raina when he was nineteen.
  • DANGER DANGER
  • Rape is unacceptable, no matter which gender, and here it’s being used as a cheap dramatic ploy to make Raina eeeeeevvvvillll.
  • I do not like this.
  • ever.
  • JC and Richard lunge at each other (because grrrr you got raped?) and Anita jumps in between them.
  • Then magic happens.
  • The three powers melded into one skin-curling, heart pumping, stomach-clenching rush.

  • So, werewolf + vampire + ‘necromancer’ powers = orgasm.
  • Anita faints and the guys rush to her.
  • JC giggles and says GUISE IT WASN’T ME IT MUST HAVE BEEN HER *snigger* And if Richard used it, he could be an amazing master wolf.
  • I hate him.
  • “You admit he is not human, and now he wants power, so he can be leader of the pack.” His smile widened just this short of a laugh.

  • “I didn’t know you were a fan of sixties music,” I said.

  • Christ Anita, just saying ‘leader of the pack’ doesn’t mean he’s referring to the song. It is a phrase that people use.
  • I will end you some day.
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7 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter thirty

  1. I thought that ending bit was stupid on so many levels. WHY? WHY DOES IT MATTER? Its just another device to remind us that Anita is super special.

    Also, in my opinion, Hamilton takes feminism way too far. The bit about Richard’s RAPE AS A TEENAGER was brushed off. What if a woman had been raped? Methinks Anita would have actually cared then.

    • Oh, I totally agree with you. LKH is a straw feminist; it’s all ‘door opening is sexist’ and feminine things are bad. It’s really glaring in this chapter because Anita follows up Richard’s confession of being raped with ‘are you still sleeping with her????’. Instead of, you know, caring that her boyfriend was raped and his rapist is trying to force him into doing porn.

    • Hamilton is not a feminist. She hates women. Really fucking hates them, anything to do with them, anything associated with them. Anita is the only good woman in the universe because she isn’t girly, doesn’t like girly things, sides with men on everything, etc. And if you think Richard’s rape getting brushed off is bad…hoo boy. Basically, rape of women is only bad if someone Anita doesn’t like is the perpetrator. But when a guy that Anita knows and likes is accused? The woman or girl is of course a lying little bitch with “buyer’s remorse”. And if the rapist is a villain instead of a guy that Anita likes? Then Anita kills him and saves the girl and a big disgusting deal is made over how Anita is better than the girl because she “isn’t a victim” and “can save herself”. And of course when Anita rapes guys (which she will later) it’s okay, but when other women do it, they’re evil monsters.

      LKH’s work is really, really hateful to both genders. She’s also one of those people who claim “I’m not a feminist, I’m an equalist” which is a sure sign she has no idea about what feminism even is.

  2. Good to know about hypothermia and hot baths, I had no idea. Of course, I also wouldn’t mind if the paramedics wanted to kill her. I’d be quite fine with it, in fact.

    So we all fucking know about the snuff films and nobody is doing anything and at least two of these people are supposed to be on the good side…?

    Rape will get used a LOT to show how evil someone is. To the point I’m counting just the ones I remember and I had to use more than one hand. It will also get used a lot for insta-angst in someone’s background. The majority of Anita’s eventual harem has sexual trauma of some type in their background. But none of it is ever really addressed, explored, or worked out, it just pops up for drama and some quick hurt/comfort crap at random intervals. And for many minor characters, it’s literally the only thing we know about them and defines all their behaviors.

  3. “The paramedics had only let me go because I promised to drink hot fluids and take a hot bath.”
    And here’s the proof that no one likes Anita and just wishes that she would just go and die already.
    “What?, no, you’re fine. Get out of our ambulance. Try a hot bath, just get that body temperature right up!”

  4. After reading this, I think I shall reread the series from a new perspective. Anita is, unknowingly, the Big Bad. She somehow developed omnipotence as a child, when her mother died. That event convinced her that her whole life would be filled with bad things. Her omnipotence ensured that she got exactly what she expected. She is responsible for every bad thing that happens in these books.
    The antagonists are actually trying to restore the natural order by killing Anita. However, Anita’s omnipotence keeps foiling their plans. The paramedics are the first non-antagonists to figure out that Anita is responsible for all that’s happening. They don’t know exactly how she does it, but they hope their hot bath advice will stop it. Clearly, it does not.

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