A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter twenty seven

Anita takes a taxi home. She thinks of Gretchen with almost sympathy for a few lines before deciding she got what she deserved. Even though Gretchen was a bit mental, I feel intensely sorry for her because Hamilton has forced her into ‘crazy blonde bitch who gets in the way of Anita and JC’s totes amazing relationship’ and I feel she could have been an interesting character. I may even write a spite fic about her.

Anita gets home only to realise that d’oh, she gave Richard her keys! He opens the door for her and they smile at each other.

He hadn’t tried to kiss me at the door like Ozzie meeting Harriet after work. I was glad. It was too intimate a ritual. If we ever did this for real, he could molest me at the door, but not tonight.

Ozzy Osborne would be a great improvement to this bullshit. And I really dislike your use of the word ‘molest’.

Richard’s lit candles and cooked a meal. Nice. Anita panics about her ‘possible fiancé’ and I want to yank my hair out in clumps because you said yes, you are engaged. Anita is promptly a rude bitch by complaining about it all and starting to clean the dishes so the food goes cold. He made you dinner. Marry him. Oh, no, wait, you are.

He was wearing an apron that said, Mrs. Lovett’s Meat pies on it. I didn’t own an apron, and I certainly wouldn’t have chosen one with a logo from Sweeney Todd. A musical about cannibalism seemed inappropriate for an apron. Delightfully so, but still…

Not so inappropriate.

Anita ignores Richard to go in her room and snuggle penguins.

I said I would marry Richard, so why was I so bugged about his sudden domestic turn? We downgraded the yes to a maybe, but even if it had still been a yes it would have bugged me. Marriage. The implications of that hadn’t really sunk in.

Your lack of quotation marks annoys me. And so does your circular complaints about marriage. You’re annoyed that he cares for you now? And you were engaged before, you must know about the implications before now.

If I said I wasn’t hungry, would he be insulted?

Maybe he’s insulted by your ingratitude and how you locked yourself in your bedroom rather than talk about your worries with him.

I was unsociable, and food was something you ate so you wouldn’t die.

IS THERE NOTHING YOU LIKE? You don’t like food. You don’t like food. I’m sorry, but I can’t understand people who don’t like food. Even though I have a billion and one food intolerances and I feel like shit when I eat, food is one of the sincerest pleasures in life. I mean… sushi. Cheese cake. Lamb stew. Leg of lam marinated in red wine. Chocolate cake. Strawberries. Potato wedges. Turkey goujons. Noodles. Tomato soup. Toad in the hole. Fish pie. Fresh chips in newspaper. Kebab. Jerk chicken. Prawn toast. Toast. Roast chicken. Lemon meringue pie. Popcorn. Ice cream. Toasties. Grapes. Almond croissants. Banoffe Pie. Any kind of pie, actually.  Crisp apples. A slice of pizza from an Italian street stall. Frogs’ leg stew. Tapas. Sagaloo potatoes. Jelly. Porridge. Nutella. Fruit scones. Apple crumble with custard. Paella with fresh seafood and goat. Fresh warm bread with butter and jam…

Yeah, that kind of got away from me. You now know all my favourite foods and I am starving.

Anita decides the best thing to do is just to act as if Richard is not in her home. She locks herself in the bathroom and has a long shower. She debates whether she ought to wear a black teddy but think that might be giving the wrong message. Even though you wore it in front of him in the last book. She puts on a t-shirt and sweatpants (much like me around men. And everyone. Honestly, I am a lazy pig at home) and heads back into the kitchen to deal with Richard. He apologises for being a nice guy and cooking for her. What an asshole.

They have a nice bit of banter before Richard oversteps his boundaries by rubbing her shoulders and Anita bitches at him. He is calm about it and when she says she won’t eat his food, he says it’s okay. And you’re in love with JC, over this guy who will deal with your insane bullshit? Richard then says sorry for proposing to her when she didn’t know the full extent of his bad side.

I told everybody that lycanthropy was just a disease. It was illegal and immoral to discriminate. I didn’t have a prejudiced bone in my body, or so I told myself. Staring up into Richard’s handsome face, I knew it wasn’t true. I was prejudiced. I was prejudiced against monsters.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving the problem.

I wasn’t clean enough to throw stones.

I moved closer to him. “Hold me, Richard. Just hold me.”

[… They hug. She doesn’t panic.]

For just an instant I felt safe. It was the way I’d felt before my mother died. That childish belief that nothing can hurt you whole Mommy and Daddy hold you tight. That utter faith that they can make everything all right. In Richard’s arms, for brief moments, I had that again. Even though I knew it was a lie. Hell, it had been a lie the first time. My mother’s death had proven that.

I think your father ought to have invested in some therapy for you a long time ago.

She breaks away and drinks coffee, noting that you can’t trust a man ‘that doesn’t like coffee’. She refuses to eat. Richard asks her about what happened at Guilty Pleasures. After some coaxing, she finally tells him that she’s going to be dating JC as well from now on. After a few months, he’ll give up when he realises that it’s not going anywhere. While this appears sensible on the face of it, I suspect that he might push his suit somewhat and do something awful.

Richard then asks Anita if she loves JC and she says yes. Saying it twice doesn’t make it seem any more realistic or believable. Anita actually draws attention to how tolerant Richard is being and I want to laugh. He’s upset that she’s been forced into it and that she may enjoy it.

… yeah, well, I have a feeling it’s going to get somewhat rapey, Richard. Pretty damn soon.


One thought on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter twenty seven

  1. Yes! Do that spitefic!

    …molest. uh.

    This will be the last time she admits that, btw. Soon enough she’ll be saying that she’s the one who accepts the monsters and it’s Richard who doesn’t. Just you wait.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s