A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter six


Anita is walking about, behind two couples on a double date, and … no, I have no idea why she’s walking around. I thought she had a job to go to or something. And then notices some strange girl.

She stood under the last streetlight. Her hair was butter yellow and thick with waves. Longer than mine, nearly to her waist.

If this woman has thick hair, hair that long is going to be a nightmare. I have very thick hair (it can take three hours to thin my hair successfully) and when my hair was long, about six/seven years ago now, I had to stop growing it when it got below my breasts because of how unmanageable it was. So I had it all cut off because I never do things by halves.

She stood in the center of the sidewalk, arrogant. She was about my size, not physically imposing. So why did she stand there as if nothing in the world could hurt her? Only three things give you that kind of confidence: a machine gun, stupidity, or being a vampire. I didn’t see a machine gun, and she didn’t look stupid. She did look like a vampire now that I realized what I was looking at. The makeup was good. It made her look almost alive. Almost.

….

Or she is alive, and she’s like you Anita. Because this feels all a bit hypocritical, doesn’t it. It’s like Anita is describing an alternate version of herself but that this one must be bad as she is blonde. Or something.

Staring at someone’s face while not staring at their eyes is a trick that gets easier with practice.

Yes, that makes sense.

The two of them have a not-staring contest until a policeman shows up and UH OH Anita has her gun out and she gets in trouble. The blonde vampire mind controls him into kicking Anita’s gun away and poking her in the back with his own gun. Blonde vampire lady tries to send him on his merry way but he’s wearing a cross so she can’t.  Anita won’t remove his cross and she just picks up her gun as if this isn’t happening.

Blonde vampire says ‘Oh, so you’re the Executioner then?’ and goes on about how totes powerful Anita is in person, just like all the stories.

Casual reminder that Anita hasn’t exactly done anything here.

Blonde vampire lady wants Anita to leave poor maligned Jean-Claude alone. Yes, that’s right. The stalker with a crush appears to have his own stalker with a crush.  The cop then breaks out of the hypnotism, sees he has his gun out, and just walks off. Nice. Anita tells Gretchen (COULD SHE BE MORE GERMAN, HONESTLY) that she’s free to have JC as she doesn’t want to claim his skanky ass.

“He’s mine, Anita Blake. Come against me at your peril.”

She just said she doesn’t want him – are you deaf? And obvious means to make JC seem desirable/make the gulf between Anita and JC getting together more obvious and *painful* is obvious.

And then JC himself turns up, with a outfit change and all.

He’s pissed with Gretchen as she’s crazy in love with him and that makes her pathetic and pitiable as a character because as a society, we sympathise with men lost and love with people, but demonise women in the same position. After all, what is that different between Gretchen and JC? They both showed up to ruin the night of their respected love interest with their love interest just for shits and giggles.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly to her feet. His white-gloved fingers dug into her arm. If she’d been human, there would have been bruises. “Get hold of yourself, woman. You are loosing control.”

And because Gretchen is blonde and annoying Anita, it’s okay that JC is assaulting her. She is bad. Apparently. She then flies off into the night. I’m guessing Hamilton had seen The Lost Boys by this point. JC says sorry, fusses over his petite because it’s okay for men to be lost in love and obsess over their intended victims and flies off. And hopefully hits a satellite.

Anita finally heads off to work and this was all an amusing diversion.

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2 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter six

  1. Ah yes, Gretchen, yet another in a long line of ‘other women, especially blondes, are insane evil sluts who are jealous of Anita in general and especially of her men!’ in the series.

    And ugh, yes, the ‘men pining obsessively for out of reach woman is soooo tragic and romantic but omg woman who does the same is crazy psycho pitiful-at-best-homocidal-at-worst bitches’ is one that makes me SO MAD, ugh. Especially since it’s not just a weird Anita quirk but a general cultural attitude at large.

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