A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter two


Got the official invitation to my graduation today. Tres worrying. I do not feel old enough to be a university graduate.

Anita’s out for a night at the theatre with Richard. The theatre sounds like it’s situated in the most depressing and deprived urban slum imaginable. Great place for a theatre, that. She treats us to a lengthy description of the ticket office and going inside because it adds to the word count before she spots Richard.

I liked Richard. I’m not so keen on him now.

Was Richard looking for victims? Prey? He was, after all, a werewolf.

And you’re his judgemental bitch of a girlfriend. I ain’t judging you. Except that I am. Constantly. For justified reasons.

His suit was some rich shade of green. Most men would have looked like Peter Pan in a green suit, but on him it looked just right.

No, I don’t think I would confuse them.

He saw me and smiled. The smile was very bright against his permanently tanned skin. His last name, Zeeman, is Dutch, but somewhere back in his ancestry was something not European. Not blond, not fair, not cold. His eyes were a perfect, chocolate brown.

I’m sorry, but don’t Mediterranean or Eastern European people (to which olive skin is a common characteristic) count as being European? My aunt has lovely olive skin and it’s a throwback to my family’s Roma Sicilian roots. We’re very European. Or, Hamilton, does being pale and blond and you know, Aryan, only count as being European in your mind?

You are on thin ice already with your BS racism.

Accusing [Richard] of murdering intent might spoil the evening.

In other news, fire is hot, rain falls from the sky, and bears shit in the woods.

Plus Richard’s hair is in some fancy dancy super amazing complicated braid for… some reason. I think she just wanted to talk about his hair which is golden and beautiful.

He’d done something to it, pulled it back somehow so it gave the illusion of being very short and close to his head. Not easy with hair as wavy as his.

Well done. You’ve worked out he’s tied his hair back. God, I pity you.

He laughed. It was a good laugh, warm and thick like Christmas pudding.

What a lovely metaphor. What a caring and romantic image to think of when people smile. Blue fiery love.

Anita talks about how she always carries her gun and then justifies hold hands with her boyfriend ‘to keep from being separated’. What is this crazy emotion the humans call affection? They sit down and Anita complains about wanting to lean on her boyfriend because if she just did it, she’d be too feminine or some bullshit. She wants to nuzzle his neck but thinks that’s too ’embarrassing’. Anita, you’re behaving like you’re the victim of serious sexual abuse. It is okay to show someone you care for and desire that you care and desire them.

But anyway Guys and Dolls. Funsies.

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13 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Lunatic Cafe’ chapter two

  1. “It’s so horrible how bigoted everyone is against supernaturals! Oh, there’s Richard, maybe he’s looking for people to murder because he’s a werewolf.” Oh Anita. You are a special shade of hypocrite.

    “Or, Hamilton, does being pale and blond and you know, Aryan, only count as being European in your mind?”

    Yes. No, really, I really think she thinks that. It’s bizarre. It gets even weirder when you consider Hamilton is herself a pale brunette white woman just like Anita. How does she account for her own existence, considering she‘s not part Mexican? Interestingly, she’s also 5’3 just like Anita, and calls herself short/petite a lot just like Anita supposedly is.

    The “man with long hair can pull it back and it looks short” thing becomes a repeated occurrence in the books. This must be its first time! That’s kind of hilarious to see when you know that later it will happen with guys who have ANKLE-LENGTH HAIR. Pulling hair back in general rarely gives the illusion of short hair anyway (pulled back hair…looks pulled back) but it’s got to be downright impossible to look like you have short hair if the braid/ponytail is swinging around your ankles every time you move.

    And yes, there is a guy with ankle-length hair in the harem she eventually gathers. He also has lilac eyes and smells naturally like vanilla. NO, REALLY.

    • Ankle length hair. Geezus I can’t imagine the care that has to go into looking after that. Plus the weight of it and trying to keep it clean. I can’t even handle shoulder length hair – I missed having a shaved head, even though I want to grow it out.

      Is he actually a lycanthrope that can turn into a scented candle?

      Anita sounds as much of a self-insert as Bella bloody swan. I don’t know that much about LKH because I don’t want to give the impression of attacking her as a person (just problems with her work) but it sounds like her fantasy life. And if that’s true, I find her thoughts and musings on race and European-ness extra worrying.

      Plus, as a bone fide European, I find it just weird.

      • It’s disturbing how much LKH’s life and Anita’s characteristics coincide. They’re both short/”petite”, both have long, dark, and curly hair. Oh, and as soon there was marriage troubles, Richard starts becoming a punching bag. It only gets worse after LKH married her new husband. Amazingly, a new character came on board and become the new main (gag) sweetie (you will learn to hate this word). Oh, but Richard isn’t based on Gary (the first husband), and Micah certainly isn’t Jon (second husband). Let’s see, both Anita and LKH are all about working out and seeming like a huge gun nut. There’s the whole both of their mother’s died in a car accident and neither of them can let it go. Both are also “poly” (I don’t know how true LKH’s claims are as she has a tendency to stretch the truth and change facts). They are both sexist and dislike blondes. My room mate and I met her at a con. We were all having a conversation on what would happen if a kid got bitten by a lycan (this was before she had written about the weretigers). First off, I HATED her answer. She simply told me that not a single kid had EVER survived the attack in her world. In the ENTIRE world? I call bull shit! Just admit you hadn’t thought of it. I would have appreciated that much more (forgive the tangent). Anyway, my room mate happens to be a blonde female. I am a petite, brunette, and female bodied. Even when my room mate was talking, LKH would only look at me. It was sickening. Look, I know I am fabulous, but look at the person talking to you!

      • jesus christ how rude.

        She just said no one had ever survived? Gah! Her laziness in world building just hurts me! Especially in a world with amazing books full of intelligent world building.

        She can say Anita is not based on her, but there are too many SI qualities.

      • Incredibly rude. She is even worse to her fans. I’ve already told my room mate that if my head ever gets as big as Hamilton’s, please smack me. Ugh! I could go on a huge rant about how awful she is. Have you heard about the infamous Dead Negative Reader blog she did some years back?

  2. “He was, after all, a werewolf.

    And you’re his […] bitch of a girlfriend.”

    Of course she’s a bitch – who else would a werewolf date? [rimshot]

    Sorry, it was just too obvious.

  3. “Anita’s out for a night at the theatre with Richard. The theatre sounds like it’s situated in the most depressing and deprived urban slum imaginable. Great place for a theatre, that.”

    Yeah, the thing about St. Louis is one block can look like utter shit while the next can look much nicer. While I do realise other cities do this as well, from what I understand, the nice bits last a while and then it can turn to slums. St. Louis is just, “Whatever. I’ll put it wherever!”

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