Some news before today’s review: Dottie is going away again! I’m going to Papa Smith’s for a few days and I’m going to be unable to post until the first. So I just want to say: THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS AN AWESOME YEAR FOR DOTTIE SMITH’S VERBAL MENAGERIE. Thanks to all my followers, to those who make comments, and to everyone who likes this angry, angry blog. You mean a lot to me.
I also want a moment of unprofessional geeking out, as I’m now being followed by a blogger I greatly respect. Sarah Gets Critical is a very well written, very thought provoking blog and now I think I ought to be more intelligent and nuanced when reviewing things, rather than yelling RACISM/EVIL/ABLEISM/OH GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING STUPID. But only possibly. Being professional sounds exhausting.
Okie dokes, onto today’s chapter. I hope it gives me the chance to display my newly inspired professionalism by not being awful.
Anita talks about how much she loves autumn, and we learn that this book is set in October. I think this might be the first indication of when exactly a novel is taking place; the other two books were set vaguely in summer, but not with any particular time and dates.
October is a big month for raising the dead. Everyone thinks that Halloween is the perfect season for raising zombies. They think spending All Hallows Eve in a cemetery killing chickens and watching zombies crawl out of the ground is great entertainment. I could probably sell tickets.
Oh yeah, killing animals is great fun. This further proves that the people in the Anita Blake universe have unbelievable contempt for all forms of life.
Anita goes on about how amazingly talented she is; she can raise five zombies a night and not even get tired, liek sooo amazin yah? She’s going to rest up and then see good ol’ JC. JC will know any other master vampires – he’ll have invited them round for brownies and coco.
The Church of Eternal Life offered exactly that. No leap of faith, no uncertainty, just a guarantee. You could become a vampire and live forever, unless someone like me killed you, or you got caught in a fire, or hit by a bus.
I have many issues with the Church of Eternal Life. I don’t think an institution that offers a guarantee like that is a religion. It’s more like an insurance package.
Anita comes home, which sees the return of Mrs Pringle who is AN AWESOME OLD WOMAN. She gives great advice, and tells Anita to stop pushing herself so hard and take good care of herself. She’s sorry that she missed Anita’s night of zombie shooting, as she wasn’t able to offer her somewhere to sleep.
Two months ago I had slaughtered two killer zombies in my apartment and had a police shootout. The walls and one window had been damaged. Some of the bullets had gone through the walls into other apartments. No one else had been hurt, but none of the neighbours wanted anything to do with me now. I suspected strongly that when my two-year lease was up, I would be asked to leave. I guess I couldn’t blame them.
I don’t blame them either. Also, you are a lying liar who lies.
- You did not slaughter the zombies. They were still moving when the police carried them off.
- The zombies were on the floor when you shot them. You shot up the floor.
- No one else was hurt? That’s a fucking miracle considering how many shots you fired. I firmly believe you killed the family underneath your apartment.
- I’m surprised the others haven’t forced you to move out already.
Anita gets into her apartment, talks about her pet fish, and strips off. She then phones work to cancel all her appointments at the drop of a hat. Being a customer of Animators, Inc. (man, that’s such a crappy, unimaginative name) must be terrible. You have to pay a lot of money to get screamed at and then possibly get a body animated, if the animator decides that they can possibly fit it in around their personal life. Anyway, her boss is understandably pissed that she has to drop everything instantly and he’s left holding the mess and threatens to fire her. Anita laughs it off because he’ll never fire her – she’s the Great and Powerful Anita Blake!
With your attitude, I am amazed that you still have a job. No matter how good you are, if you have a shitty attitude problem, bosses are going to fire you.
I had been stabbed, beaten, shot, strangled, and vampire-bit in the space of four months. There comes a point where you just have too many things happening too close together. I had battle fatigue.
Also you killed a bunch of people. You probably should have some time to get over the emotional impact of that. Or just ignore it. That’s… not okay, but whatever.
Anita leaves a message for JC and Puddykins to meet up that night. The thrills continue!