A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Guilty Pleasures’ chapter thirty eight

Ugh. Bad day. Just read a very infuriating book on Anne Boleyn. Author. Stupid. Go hell dude. He used a poem as evidence of incest and adultery. He was apparently one of the lords who convicted her in the first place.

Nikky, Aubrey and Valentine are sat around, being evil, because like all vampires in modern fiction, they appear to have nothing better to do. Nikky wants Anita to be cross as to make her evil better. She then asks Anita whether she’s been looking after Jean-Claude because he isn’t dying. Yeah, remember JC? He was built up to be such a major character and then did nothing. Anita says no. She then decides she’s in a position to ask the triumvirate of evil questions. She asks why they’re hurting Philip.

Because they’re fucking vampires, mayhap? Nikky giggles and says that Philip needed to be punished.

“And because I was angry with you. I torture your lover, and maybe I won’t torture you. And perhaps, this demonstration will give you fresh incentive to find the vampire murderer.”

Yeah, it might do that. It’d be nice if she actually paid attention to what the plot says she’s supposed to be doing, isn’t it? UGH. UGH UGHGUHGHGUGHGHGKIJSDFJKSDFHJKSDSDFSDFHJJSDGHaegJEJASFG

Sorry, my temper got away from me. I am fed up of NOTHING HAPPENING. What is it with American authors and their damn pacing? ANYWAY, JC gave Anita the second mark and this is a big deal because it means she’s been dreaming about him every night even though this has never really been shown as happening more than once. He’s been taking energy from her to keep himself alive. Without telling Anita. Nice guy. Totally get with him. One of Nikky’s servants has ‘the fourth mark’ and this happens.

Her hands went to the small pearl buttons that decorated the front of the white dress. She spread the cloth wide, baring small breasts. They were a child’s breasts, small and half-formed. She drew a fingernail beside her left breast. The skin opened like earth behind a plow, spilling blood in a red line down her chest and stomach.

I could not see Burchard’s face as he leaned forward.  His hands slid around her waist. His face was buried between her breasts. She tensed, back arching. Soft, sucking sounds filled the room’s stillness.

what is this i don’t even I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS

Getting away from the creepy child-having-something-equivalent-to-sex-thing, Nikky goes on about how if she makes JC weak, his followers will come to her blah blah blah how is this solving the murders? Then I think Philip is killed but I can’t tell. Hamilton’s muddiness strikes again. No, he’s had his throat ripped out and Anita goes crazy. ANITA SMASH!

She screams out like Xena and strikes Aubrey with a little knife, killing him. Finally! Some vampire killin’.

“I killed him, you son of a bitch, just like I’m going to kill you.”

That was pretty cool.

Nikky then decides to morph into the Crypt Keeper and leaps upon Anita, shredding her mind like knives ‘slicing away parts of me’. She pins her to the ground. Anita bites her in anger. Nikky screams and Anita goes helpfully unconscious.

Nikky, you have bodyguards. It is the job of bodyguards to attack the prisoner, not you.


2 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Guilty Pleasures’ chapter thirty eight

  1. Besides the OBVIOUS weirdness, it’s also weird to me how, in the passage you quote there describing Niko’s barely-there boobies, she goes from somewhat beige prose to very purple (“earth behind a plow”) in three sentences. Also isn’t this the SECOND time we’ve been told about her breasts? *checks back on your Ch. 11 review* Yes. Yes it is. Well, that’s just…weird, yes. I could see the Burchard/Niko thing here as being SUPPOSED to be weird and uncomfortable for the reader but as something the characters are doing to show how strange they are…but the narration itself bringing up kid-breasts twice is, um, yeah. Awkward. I also like how we get told they’re “small” twice in a row with the second and third sentence there. Yes, thank you, so we know the LITTLE GIRL doesn’t somehow have a huge rack, I would have been picturing her with one otherwise, definitely.

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