A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Guilty Pleasures’ chapter thirty five

Anita goes back to the church/not church/building for the philosophical movement supporting vampires, and she’s carrying a small armoury.

Of course, nothing I was carrying would stop Malcolm.

who the hell is Malcolm

no seriously who the hell is malcolm

Malcolm is apparently a really big important vampire, coming just after Miss Nikky and Jean-Claude. She’s a bit worried that this Malcolm will kill her so she left a letter explaining everything in a safety deposit box. It’ll go out to the police on Monday morning if she doesn’t call up to stop it. That’s a pretty smart plan.

Oh no Malcolm runs the church. Ah. I see. (No I don’t). The humans turning up for… staring at vampires start to turn up. They are very polite to this well armed woman and show her into the back room. Anita judges everyone on what they’re wearing as she walks through.

The Church of Eternal Life attracted a wide following. Diversity, that’s the ticket. They appealed to the agnostic, the atheist, the disillusioned mainstreamer, and some who had never decided what they were.

…how. It is is a ‘church’. How are atheists interested? Anyway, it’s jam packed and that makes Anita sad because no one goes to her church any more and she’s all judgey because that’s how she is and stuff. This ‘church’ has a coffee klatch area. Why. It’s a ‘church’ why is it trying to be trendy.

Anita is left alone in Malcom’s office and takes the opportunity while everyone is at the ‘service’ to snoop around illegally. Anita thinks a coded reference to a Ned might mean that Malcolm has been paying the psychotic Edward to commit the murders. Based on… whimsy and fairy dust, because there isn’t much evidence for anything at this point.

Malcolm then walks in and sadly, looks nothing like my granddad.  She tells him that she has proof that the church is involved with the vampire murders, even though she really doesn’t. Malcolm reads her mind and knows that she is lying and being a bitch and lying. Anita says, aha they attacked the freak party!

“There is a small faction of our followers who persist in violence. The freak party, as you call it, is an abomination and must be stopped, but through legal channels. I have told my followers this.”

Wow, you’re a terrible figure to have in politics. ‘Abomination’? That’s never going to sound good in a soundbite. And how are you going to legally stop a party? Are orgies against the law? They’re held in private residences, I’m not sure how you are going to do anything about it. Anyway, Malcolm talks on that his followers have their own minds, he isn’t a policeman or a priest, blah blah blah, that completely negates him tell his followers to not support freak parties.

Anita basically goes on about ERMMAGAWD CHURE HEAD VHAMPIREEE and is very boring. All her interestingly non-bitchiness from earlier chapters has gone. She is very dull. She asks him whether he hired a hitman to kill vampires.

You are like the shittest investigator, ever.

They back and forth on ‘you hired a vampire’ ‘are you high? I run a church’ for far too long. It is very tedious and stupid.

Anita talks about how she was almost killed and Malcolm helpfully points out that just because he tried to kill her at the ‘church’, it does not mean the would-be Anita assassin has anything to do with the church itself. You fail logic Anita. He then sort of threatens her with his master vampireness and shows her out.

Edward was my murderer. The question was, could I turn him over to Nikolaos?

How is Edward the vampire murderer? What is the proof? There is no proof! How can you be this stupid?

Oh right, because the plot says so. Because it’s too hard to write a book where the conclusion is reached by logical progression and sensible conclusions.


3 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Guilty Pleasures’ chapter thirty five

  1. Wow, so, I finally got a place to post my sporks to the masses instead of just sending them to friends
    And looking at this chapter here from back in the days I remember as being “good” from high school when I last read it…it’s nice to know so little has changed. Anita still has a terrible personality, no actual investigative skills or logic, and yet still solves the case because LKH says so. And the conversations still take pointlessly forever!

    • The conversations…. *dies a little* they just repeat, over and over, with no development. It’s not how people speak! Liking the LJ, but I might stay away for a bit lest I get hit by spoilers – unless it involves Anita and the crazy sex stuff. Because the sheer ridiculousness of that was what inspired me to look at the books.

      • The one point that I will give Skin Trade is that, unlike a lot of the later books, it doesn’t focus on loads and loads of sex. I’m on Chapter 50 and still no one has screwed! But when they do, I’ll send you a link if it’s suitably ridiculous ;D And yes, no one talks like oh god it hurts to read

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