She eludes us on every side; she repudiates most of our rules and breaks our standards to pieces.
This chapter begins with many, many pages of Holmes obsessively praising Mary for being so observant and brilliant. It all sticks in the throat. Holmes makes a bunch of of quick easy observations and orders that the toilet and the park be cordoned off. A police officer then tells them that Mary has been left a package at ‘the front desk’ – not specifying which one of London’s many, many police stations – and everyone automatically assumes it’s a bomb. The package is handed over to the bomb squad. While the world’s first bomb squad was founded in 1903, this was in New York and I’m not sure that London, in the middle of a world war, would have had a bomb squad at Random Street police station.
There is a letter attacked from female!Moriarty, although it seems odd that the criminal would give themselves away so easily by using the toilet.
Dear Miss Russell
Knowing his limitations, I expect your companion will neglect to provide you with suitable clothing this morning. Please accept these with my compliments. You will find them quite comfortable.
Wow, that makes me think that the villain tape-measured Mary in her sleep. Why is the villain so focused on Mary? Another Sue bingo point.
Holmes has a sudden temper tantrum, throws things around and demands that Mary be clothed suitably. I remember that he is supposed to be middle-aged in this book, but now I’m not so sure, seeing as he’s acting about twelve. He smokes and sulks, then announces he is going out and Mary better not follow him or else he will be really stroppy. Mary refuses because she’s not Watson, she won’t just take his orders and not have independent thought!
stop these stupid anti-john messages.
The argument is stopped abruptly by the two of them being fired at. Mary is miraculously not hurt as Holmes leaps upon her to keep her safe. He expresses concern for her, kisses her on the brow and runs off. Mary was stunned by this, and says that surely this was the intention – that you can distract a woman with affection, because women are helpless to a man’s designs. Uh. Sorry. That came a bit left-field. This is what happens when you read too many Fifty Shades sporks.
Mary and a policewoman go out shopping for clothes. After she was threatened and shot at. Mary really gets over trauma very quickly, doesn’t she? Holmes reappears, Mary complains about how much he smells and he says they must FLY and soon. Mary refuses, apparently for the purposes of showing that she has a backbone. She makes him change his clothes and has a big long ‘I am better than that poo-poo head Watson and I can prove it’ speech.
‘I will not be bullied. You are not my nanny, I am not your charge to be protected and coddled. You have not given me any cause to believe that you were dissatisfied with my ability at deduction and reasoning. You admit that I am adult – you called me “woman” not ten minutes ago – and as a thinking adult partner I have the right to make my own decisions. I saw you come in filthy and tied, having not eaten, I was sure, since last evening, and I exercised my right to protect the partnership by putting a halt to your stupidity. Yes, stupidity. You believe yourself to be without the limitations of mere mortals, I know, but the mind, even your mind, my dear Holmes, is subject to the body’s weakness. No food or drink and filth on an open wound puts the partnership – puts me! – at an unnecessary risk. And that is something I won’t have.’
So eat your damn vegetables.
Holmes doesn’t say anything in return, other than they’re heading out to sea. They head off straight away, and I’m unable to tell if this is night, evening or day, as everything is running after each other and there’s no indication of time or eating or anything relating to the real world at all. They head onto a boat and Mary complains that Holmes is always plying her with something.
this chapter is so uncomfortable to read
Mary has noticed that the note on her parcel from… yesterday… was typed on the same machine as the ransom notes from the Jessica Simpson case. This apparently is the motive for trying to kill Holmes, Mary and Watson – revenge for rescuing the little girl. Wow. That’s lame. They talk some more about Clues; the taxi from the last chapter was ripped up, as if someone was looking for something. Holmes noted that the mud on the footprints at the ladies toilet is from Baker Street. ‘Baker Street mud’. Oh lord, that’s so preposterous. What exactly is ‘Baker Street mud’? Don’t you mean soil that is just generally found in London? What makes it special to Baker Street? Mary realises that – and this is a real surprise – that this means the whole thing was aimed at pissing off Holmes. That everything this female villain is doing is directly aimed at Holmes. I mean, it’s not like a super genius might have worked that out from all those assassination attempts. Those were just par the course for Holmes.
Holmes has a slight breakdown about the coincidences and that a woman is beating him.
‘I still cannot believe that a woman can have done this, deducing my deductions, plotting my moves for me, and all the time giving the impression that to her it is a deadly but effortless and highly amusing game.’
No, because Irene Adler never managed to beat you at all, did she?
‘Even Moriarty did not go so far, and he was a master without parallel.’
Moriarty almost killed you. This woman put mud in a toilet. These two things are not comparable.
Holmes then apologises for not telling Mary enough and considering her opinions, saying that he has been treating her ‘as if [she] were Watson’.
it hurts it hurts it hurts so much
Holmes talks for a very long time about how brilliantly intelligent she is and how she is a master of deduction comparable to himself.
They are now going to Palestine, for no reason I can find. Mary compares this whole messy business to a game of chess – sometimes you have to sacrifice the queen. Rather than questioning the fact that Mary has declared herself the most important person in the entire book, Holmes has a mock heart attack of concern for her.
Only six more chapters to go. Only six. Six.
send me loki pics before i go crazy and eat my own face