A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Deadlocked’ chapter eight

As per Bellenos’s request, Sookie sits down and writes a letter to her fairy grandfather on some pretty stationary. It’s described in detail, because it adds so much to the story.

Dear Great-Grandfather […] And Claude. Bellenos and Dermot are worried that the fae at Hooligans are getting too restless to stay confined to the building. They miss Claude and his leadership. We are all afraid that something bad will happen if this situation doesn’t change soon. Please let us know what’s going on. Can you send a return letter through the portal? Or send Claude back? Love, Sookie.

I’m sure he’ll listen to this and send him back straight away. As she hikes out to the portal, she notices that the portal has shrunk down. Probably to prevent you stowing away your next murder victim in fairy land. What if the portal opens up in the palace or something? A bit awkward if the corpse of a young woman suddenly lands on the dining table. You ought to be more considerate Sookie.

When Sookie gets back to the house, the parents of murdered fairy pary girl, Kym Rowe, are waiting for her on the doorstep. Have you noticed that the loved ones of people who die in connection to Sookie always manage to track her down?  Stalking ain’t cool. It’s you know, stalking. Which is illegal. And it’s hounding and ‘terrorising’ the witness which is just going to harm the legal case. It’s stupid, and it keeps on happening. Kym Rowe’s parents have also brought an independent writer called Harp Powell who wants to write a book about Kym’s life. Nice. Cashing in on your dead daughter. Classy.

The parents want to know what Kym said to Sookie before she died. They pester her, and Harp asks her about the strippers she lives with. Sookie threatens them with the sheriff and goes inside. Smart move. When she gets inside, there’s a message on her voicemail. Bellenos has not find out who gave the blood to Kym. So CONSPIRACY SHENANIGANS.

She takes the time to visit Tara and the babies in the hospital, and finds herself bowled over by broodiness. Huh. Everyone around her is getting married and popping out sprogs… leaving Sookie behind. I thought it was disgusting in the last book when a man told her her job was to have babies, but if Sookie wants a child and a family life, I guess she’ll have to dump Eric and think about settling down with a werewolf, or a fairy, or any other creature she can’t read the mind of.


And then Bubba turns up with a female vampire called Freyda.

Freyda was at least five foot ten. Even soaking wet, she was beautiful.

Because rain makes you ugly?

I thought her hair was a light brown when it was dry, and she had broad shoulders, lean hips and cheekbones that could slice bread. She was wearing a tank top with nothing underneath, and a pair of shorts, which I found just weird. Legs that pale shouldn’t be sticking out of shorts.

O-kay, but who the fuck is this.

Sookie invites her in and offers her synthetic blood, but does not offer an explanation to the reader as to who the fuck this is. Oh, they start pussy-footing around the subject and talk about queens and consorts, so I’m guessing this is the queen of Oklahoma. Since when was she called Freyda? I thought the queen of Oklahoma was called Phoebe. It also took like three pages to mention that which was stupid.

“Since I’m a queen and he’s not a king, he’d be my consort,” she said.

I’d read a biography of Queen Victoria (and rented the movie), so I understood the term.

Of course, Charlaine Harris must explain how exactly Sookie knows anything whenever her character shows anything resembling intelligence, because she couldn’t have us think that Sookie was smart or anything. It’s character assassination. It implies that without reading a book or watching the singular film about Queen Victoria (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA VICTORIA: THE MOVIE) that Sookie would just be too dumb to understand the term ‘consort’. Whatever. Fuck off with your classist nonsense.

I don’t care about the talk between the queen and Sookie, as it’s just the queen sizing her up and down like she was some sort of cow. She wants to know what’s so special about her.

The ability to go from likeable to unlikeable on a chapter to chapter basis? Her addiction to cock? The fact she calls her vagina a ‘yahoo place’ as if she’s fucking… I was going to say ‘fucking six’ but then I realised – no one on the face of the planet calls a vagina a ‘yahoo place’ because it’s fucking stupid.

Bleaurghhhhh all i want is a cheeseburger after reading this horseshit.


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