A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead in the Family’ chapter eleven

He could have slain me about sixty times in the seconds I stood there. Despite the fact that he didn’t, I still didn’t want to take my eyes off him.

Why not use that lemon water pistol you’re always bragging about? Do something! Dermot tells her to not be afraid – he only wants to get closer to her and Jason.  He was confused… when he slaughtered their parents. That’s totally excusable if you were confused. He was told that his twin was murdered by Niall, which is why he ended up supporting the racist fairy brigade. He then hugs her and she tries desperately to not throw a hysterical fit.

Dermot then tells Sookie that there are fairies left in the human world.

“Sometimes he’s in yours woods. […] Don’t trust other fairies,” Dermot told me. “I shouldn’t have.”

The reason why he’s so confused and ‘nutty’, as Sookie quickly realises, is that a fairy has put a spell on Dermot to keep him pliant and make him do things he wouldn’t do otherwise. It’s lucky that she was able to guess that so quickly.

He drops some prophetic comments about dead things hanging on her and visitors arriving that night before disappearing – sadly, not in a puff of smoke. O-kay. Sookie gets over her ‘interview with an insane fairy’, and potters about the house doing relaxing things.  She reads the paper and it’s full of talk about how the discovery of werewolves has fucked stuff up for the American people. Alcide emails her to let her know that the pack meeting to discuss Basim’s death will be on the next Monday.

Why does it take so long for anything to happen in these books? Why must all the action in this book take place in the last seventy pages? It just doesn’t sit right. It’s like ‘nothing, nothing, cutesy, sex scene, noth-HOLYSHITPLOTPLOTPLOTPLOTCONCLUSIONRESOLUTION byeeeeeeeee’. Not good.

Anyway, Sookie phones Eric to let him know that he should probably contact her seeing as it’s been a solid week since they spoke. He actually deigns to invite her to Fangtasia.

“I’ve missed you,” Eric said so quietly that at first I thought I’d imagined it.

I wouldn’t refer to the fact that he’d been completely out of touch for days. He knew that.

Alexei, the stupid plot point, is very chatty.  He talks about going around Shreveport, and eating people, and how he was indulged so much when he was alive. And then this happens.

And Alexei reached over, took my hand, and showed me what had happened to him and his family.

what is going on

I saw the cellar, the royal family, the doctor, the maid, facing the men who had come to kill them, and I heard the guns fire, and the bullets found their marks; or in the case of the women, they didn’t, since the royal women had sewn jewels into their clothes for the escape that never came about.

The jewels saved their lives for all of a few seconds, until the soldiers killed each groaning and bleeding and screaming individual. His mother, his father, his sisters, his doctor, his mother’s maid, the cook, his father’s valet… and his dog. And after the shooting, the soldiers went around with bayonets.

Please, my followers, explain to me in one sentence why exactly this passage was included in this book. Extra credit goes to those who can provide a logical reason why Alexei Romanov is a character in this book.  This makes no sense. It is not good. It is a drag on the (admittedly little) plot of the book. This is just padding of the very worst kind. I do not want to read about women being hacked into pieces by bayonets. I do not like this book at all.

Anyway this horrible vile fest is followed by talk of taxes. Oh, the joys. Eric talks about killing Alexei because ‘he may not be able to survive as a vampire’. Newsflash – he made it through the last fucking century didn’t he? Whatever. This is bullshit. This is drivel. This is scraping the bottom of the barrel and just writing to churn books out and earn money.

Sookie asks if Eric is fucking Appius.

what the hell is this

oh and at the end of the chapter Judith turns up. Joy of all joys. She wants to talk about her back story!

Oh, great, another tale of pain and suffering. I knew I wasn’t going to like this story.

I am so with you there Sookie.


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