A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead and Gone’ chapter one

I actually managed to write two answer booklets of material for my Victorian Britain exam. I actually remembered things.

Righto, let’s start Sookie Stackhouse number nine, Dead and Gone, which starts with a comedy interlude.

“Caucasian vampires should never wear white,” the television announcer intoned.

“Talk about stuck in the nineties! Her skin just cries out for contrasting color, and what is she putting on? Ivory! It makes her skin look like a Hefty bag.”

Two vampire fashionistas burst in on the hapless victim – oh, excuse me, the lucky vampire – who was about to get an unsolicited makeover. She’d have the additional pleasure of realizing her friends had turned her in to the fashion police.

A white hand flashed at Todd’s throat, which vanished, leaving a gaping reddish hole. The camera lingered, fascinated, as Todd crumpled to the floor, before it rose to follow the fight between Devon Dawn and Bev.

“Gosh,” said Amelia. “Looks like Bev’s gonna win.”

“Better strategic sense,” I said. “Did you notice she let Todd go through the door first?”

“I’ve got her pined,” Bev said triumphantly on the screen. “Devon Dawn, while Todd recovers his speech, we’re going to go through your closet. A girl who’s going to live for eternity can’t afford to be tacky. Vampires can’t get stuck in the past. We’ve got to be fashion forward!”

“Devon Dawn whimpered, “But I like my clothes! They’re part of who I am! You’ve broken my arm.”

I would totally watch the hell out of that. I wish it were real.

Anyway, tonight is the night that the werewolves and the shapeshifters are revealing their existence to the world. I think this is stupid. Amelia is going to Merlotte’s with Tray as there are pretty serious now, which is stupid, and Tray is going to reveal himself along with Sam, which is stupid. Jason and a crony from Hotshot are there, but we’re not talking to him. Bill and the annoying should be dead vampire Clancy are at the bar, presumably to make sure no one does anything like try and stab one of the guys. Which is likely in a bar full of drunk men who are conservative in their thought I think.

my god this is so stupid has no one planned this

Oh, no, some thought has been put into this. All television stations have a werewolf guess tonight for a special broadcast where they shape and change live on screen. Okay, I can see how that would work in a country with no internet or anything. Have all countries got a super speshul broadcast? I notice it’s at a convenient time in America, but you know what? The world doesn’t resolve around the United States. What about the rest of the world? Are people having to stay up extra late in countries with vastly different time zones just to make sure that it goes out at tea time in the states? Eurgh. Whatever.

Sam and Tray change in the bar, just after a pretty woman does it on TV and…. no one freaks out about it except religious nutjobs.  Arlene does not take it very well.

“This goes against God and nature. You-all want your kids around this kind of thing? […] God will get usif we don’t strike them down.”

Where the fuck did you get that idea? Tell me specifically where in the Bible it forbids the existence of werewolves. Anyway, she has a meltdown, screams at Sam, screams at Sookie, and then violently quits.

Also Sam’s stepfather shot his mum for being a shapeshifter. She didn’t think to warn him about the fact she changes into a dog, she just did it. See what I said about this being poorly planned? And see how I’m avoiding making cultural stereotyping jibes for the purpose of a joke, unlike Ms Harris.

There’s a lot of food for thought, but Sookie decides not to digest anything that happened this evening and instead thinks of her fairy heritage.

I couldn’t understand my grandmother’s desire for children being strong enough to lead her to cheat on my grandfather. That simply didn’t jibe with her character, and I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t read it in her brain during all the years that we’d lived together.

Because the plot said it must be so.

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Dottie’s video channel, where she reviews movies, romance novels, and the TV show Supernatural.


2 thoughts on “A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead and Gone’ chapter one

  1. Pingback: The Skin I Live In (La Piel Que Habito) – Almodovar’s adaptation is measured, playful and spellbinding | Big hot news

  2. I wonder, were any of the major governments (I guess they would be the packs?) in the other countries outside the US spoken to about this big reveal? The vamps were generally considered to be a concerted effort from all over the world, with laws and the like put into place all over when they coffin lid was opened. Doesn’t seem like they took the time to consult the overseas supes that could be seriously affected by having this big secret revealed (unless I’m missing something?)

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