The weirdest searches.


I’ve been running this blog on and off for roughly two years now. I’ve become more focused with what I want to do with it in recent months, but I still like to think of this as my own personal outlet. I’ve gotten to talk to some great people and I find it to be a great help.

The best part? The weird searches I get on Google. That’s the great thing about WordPress; I get to see how people find my blog. And now I’m going to share the best of those with you fine people for shits and giggles.

benedict cumberbatch dance/ benedict cumberbatch dancing

I use that gif once, maybe twice. I don’t think I’m that devoted to the art of his dance.

a lot of searches for various gifs

Uh, yeah, I can understand that. I use a lot of gifs, so I guess I’d show up on an image search.

pencil erasers

The nipple thing? I don’t stock pencil erasers!

debbie pelt i will fuck you up

No, I’m not Debbie. Please don’t threaten me.

weird penis

If you think your penis is weird, then I would urge you to seek medical attention.

twix erasers

Twix (the chocolate bar) make erasers? Are they edible? Why was I not informed!

charlaine harris rape/ charlaine harris passages regarding rape

You could write a really interesting essay on feminist/gender theory examining just how often rape turns up in this book. Sure, it’d be a very angry essay if you’re like me, but it’d be an interesting look at how rape is exploited for drama in modern literature.

doctor who supernatural crossover

I don’t host any stories, but I could write one if someone asked. And I would put it up on the blog. (Yes I write fanfiction sometimes. I find it to be a good writing exercise when I’m bored.)

nude pics of sookie stackhouse

I don’t understand. Do you want nude pictures of the character, or the actress who plays Sookie on True Blood? Either way, I don’t have any nude pictures of anyone on this site and doubt I ever will. Journalistic integrity and all that.

lost both her legs

You are look for some strange shit, my friend. I hope you find a site that catered to to your needs.

doesn’t like sex

There are people out there. It’s not that unusual.

long eraser nipples

Describing nipples as looking like pencil erasers is a real thing? Oh my god, that is terrifying and weird and just odd. People are weird.

benedict cumberbatch southern woman accent

I’m guessing that he does a good southern woman accent… which south? American south? English south? French south? You’d have better luck if you were more specific.

eric nyah

I think you might like Eric. This probably isn’t the blog for you.

asshole sex

ewwwww watch porn if that’s what you want.

pencil eraser nipples

OH GOD.

nice arses

Maybe I did mention nice arses a bit too much in the old days.

cumberbatch on dancing

Is there a subset of Cumberbatch fans that are into dancing? I really want to know now.

charlie brooker cricket bat matt smith/ charlie brooker matt smith bat handsome

I mentioned that once. How come people still search for that?

are debbie pelt parents spell caster

Yes. Considering the amount of odd SVM things people search for, maybe I should run a FAQ.

dottie smith , prophecy

There’s a prophecy about me on the internet? How very intriguing. I want to know what it is!

let’s not turn this rape into murder t shirt

That’s awful.

david tennant has a very pert bum

Yes he does.

breasts erasers

PLEASE STOP WITH THE NIPPLES/ERASERS ANALOGIES.

lesbian my wife

Are you saying that your wife is a lesbian, or that you want someone to turn your wife into a lesbian?

“true blood” fanfiction sookie eric cock fuck ass

If you want fanfiction, go on fanfiction.net. Just don’t type it willy nilly into Google.

did bill and portia sleep together in the southern vampire mysteries

Nope.

benedict cumberbatch southern women book

More with the southern women searches. The plot thickens, revealing that it’s probably an audio book he did.

why religion scares human?

Surely, as an alien researching Earth, you have better means of finding information that Google.

true blood terry bellefleur is he a werewolf

No.

sookie stackhouse eric’s penis/ sookie stackhouse eric’s cock

It’s talked about on what, one part of one page in one book? What is this obsession with Eric’s penis?

pencil eraser fetish

oh god i think i might go insane

if i hadn’t really cared who won the king of the mountain contest between jackson herveaux and patrick furnan, i did now

That’s an oddly specific quote to search.

bill compton rapes sookie in the books

I think we all know my opinion on that.

dead body shower curtain

I’m running a blog on tips of how to dispose of a dead body! Why would you ever need to search that?

“i have had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking island!” — st. patrick

“I don’t think that’s a real quote.” Horace Walpole.

could sookie have kids with alcide

Yes. They wouldn’t turn though.

what are penus metaphors

A figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, in this case the male genitalia.

tom hiddleston rape

…. whut.

werewolf orgasm

ewwwwwwwwwwww

tom hiddleston raped me

….. oh dear lord. I have no actual reaction to that other than utter confusion. Please, no one send me any links to clarify my mind. This seems far too left field of left field to be true. And why would anyone click on my blog when searching this?

what happens when sookie is on her period

Bill is creepy. Like always.

bill and dottie smith new orleans

I DID not go to New Orleans with Bill Compton. That’s just a dirty rumour.

benedict cumberbatch convincing southern women

Back onto familiar, safe ground with this. Although what is he convincing them to do?

women with pencil erasers

are they on their breasts

dotie nude

No, there are no nude pictures of me on here. There are no nude pictures of anyone.

debbie pelt dies

Well, no shit. It is Sookie’s major point of angst in the books.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed these weird and sometimes disturbing searches. Maybe I’ll do another compilation in a few months time, if I get some new ones that make me go ‘Huh?’

 

 

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