A review of Charliane Harris’s ‘All Together Dead’ chapter ten

Sorry my update is so late; I went to see Titanic in 3D with my oldest friend and had a night of actual human companionship for once. Shocking I know, but I hadn’t seen her in the longest time, and I had a blast with her.

The queen immediately nominates Sookie to look around the room. I like you Sophie-Anne. You want what I want from these books. Before she can, Sigebert the queen’s guard waltzes in and Batanya the alien is like ‘I smell death, what the fuck is going on?’

I like you Batanya. You get to go to the land of the good characters.

Batanya and a colleague called Clovache check out the room, and all the Arkansas vampires are dead, chopped up into little flaky pieces. Todd Donati, hotel security, is called up, and we learn that Sookie learns he has cancer, for reasons. He’s followed by his vampire boss, Christian Baruch, who’s a Swiss hotel magnate. A bunch more security officers come up after them, and then Sookie asks them one female officer why they aren’t being more careful with the crime scene.

And then she grabbed me and slammed me into the wall and handcuffed me.

What was the point of that? Does everyone have to automatically be an arsehole to Sookie? Anyway, the queen is like ‘you insult her you INSULT ME’ so everyone backs their shit down. Apart from Christian Baruch, who has something rising at the thought of Sophie-Anne, if you know what I mean. He asks Sookie whether she killed Jennifer Carter, and the queen and Andre are like ‘WHOA THERE NELLIE’ and then another vampire comes running in and it’s part of the Arkansas group and he’s like ‘OH SHIT EVERYONE IS DEAD NOOOOOOO!’ and then Sophie-Anne is like ‘you owe your loyalty to me now, that was part of my marriage contract’.

Because she’s a boss, that’s why.

The head of security, Donati, decides to leave this whole business to the vampires and to not get involved. Only sane man that. There’s a major opening ceremony for the summit he’s gotta watch rather than this messy stuff.

Mr. Cataimpossiblenametospell urges the queen to marry again, to protect herself and make Louisiana strong again. [Fighting a serious urge to make a Gone With the Wind reference]. Sookie suggests that she marry Andre and make him king of Arkansas. Happy families, vampire style. This is accepted by everyone and they’re all happy.

There’s a soiree after this and Sookie mooches around until she meets some plucky twenty year old with straw hair who asks her if she’s dating one of the vamps. Sookie retorts she’s dating Quinn, and the blonde reacts poorly. Mysterious backstory kicking in again I see. There’s some convention booths and they’re quite funny and unique. Russel Edgington, the vampire king from Club Dead, is getting married and Eric is officiating.

Of course he is, why wouldn’t he be a fully ordained priest.

blargh blargh vampire wedding, russel isn’t angry at sookie, lorena was after the computer programme but she wasn’t liked by anyone, blarg SO MUCH INFORMATION MY BRAIN CAN’T HOLD ALL THIS INFORMATION

Sookie talks to Jake Purifroy and he finally reveals Quinn’s mysterious backstory after three books of pondering.

Turns out Quinn’s mom was kidnapped and gangraped (I WARNED YOU ABOUT RAPE), forcing Quinn to violently rescue her. The bodies had to be cleaned up, so the vampires forced him to cage fight until three years had passed or he died. It was actually surprising that he made it. The blonde girl from earlier is his kid sister, the product of the gang rape. Pleasant.

Oh that was such a nice chapter i have such a good feeling

watch my video


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