A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Definitely Dead’ chapter five


After that lovely shopping trip, Jason finally turns up at Sookie’s house for lunch.  He’s upset about something and isn’t eating.

“I’ve got something to tell you. Crystal doesn’t want me to tell anyone, but I’m really worried about her. Yesterday, Crystal… she had a miscarriage.  She won’t go to the hospital.”

….

uh….

shouldn’t you be taking your girlfriend to a doctor, instead of having dinner with your sister?

“She’s getting worse, not better.  She’s bleeding too heavily, and her leg’s don’t work right. She can hardly stand up, much less walk.”

What is wrong with you? Take your girlfriend to the fucking hospital! Don’t sit down and have a nice little cosy conversation with your sister over lunch WHILE YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN BLEEDING FOR OVER A DAY. I know she’s a were-mountain lion so you can’t go to a normal doctor, but Jesus wept man! Don’t you care about anything other than yourself?  Sookie phones up the hobbit doctor from Living Dead in Dallas, but I couldn’t give a shit about Jason’s troubles because he’s become such a unlikeable character that I just want to hurt him.

Charlaine Harris, why are your main characters so relentlessly unlikable?

Anyway after this horrible interlude, Sookie goes into work.

To my dismay, I found that Father Riordan had ambushed me.  Not only did [he] have the Pelts in tow, but a young woman of about seventeen, who must be Debbie’s sister, Sandra.

what

the

fuck

so basically she told him that she never wanted to meet the Pelts, and the Father decided to do it anyway? What’s wrong with you? She said no!

The Pelts are very sad, naturally, but Sandra the sister is furious. And a werewolf. What? Hang on. That’s not right.  We’ve been told that a werewolf couple can only have ONE child which inherits the changing gene. So how come they have a werewolf daughter too?  And that’s not counting the fact that the parents are not werewolves, only shifters of half-shifters, which means they couldn’t have a child that became a werewolf anyway.

Debbie Pelt, werefox, [despite the fact we are explicitly told in Dead to the World she turns into a lynx] had been adopted.

Wow. That’s lazy.  The continuity errors in the Harris books are starting to build up and they’re getting very annoying because I seem to notice each one when it pops up.  It’s frustrating because Ms Harris doesn’t appear to even care to keep continuity in her own books – and if she doesn’t care, why the fuck should I care? And honestly, how much are you paying your editors? They’re not doing a good job!

anyway – the Pelts. Blah, blah, blah, you were stealing Alcide from Debbie. Blah, blah, blah, no I wasn’t, she was engaged to someone else when she vanished (even though she was dating Alcide again.)

Sam does some running around.

Something was wrong, almost every brain in the bar was broadcasting a signal combining excitement with anxiety bordering on panic.

“I just told Holly that the school called. Holly’s little boy is missing. What are you going to do?”

“Whatever I have to.”

I’m going to go now. This chapter has left a decidedly nasty taste.

Dottie’s video channel, full of amazing, snarky reviews!

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