A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Definitely Dead’ chapter four


Sookie phones up Jason …for reasons… and he’s pretty worried about something, so agrees to come round about noon.  Sookie rushes out because tee hee, she’s gonna have to give him lunch.  Because.

Anyway, Sookie’s really happy this morning.

I would’ve sang along with Weird Al Yankovic that morning.

Are you DISSING Weird Al? Hell’s no.  Weird Al is awesome. Frowny face.

She thinks about Eric for a bit, and he’s not nude this time.

I’d thought of Eric because it was the kind of day you wanted to share with the person you cared about, the person whose company you enjoyed the most. And that would be Eric as he’d been while he was cursed by a witch.

What?  Are you in love with Eric now? I mean, you two did get close in Dead to the World, but you seemed to be entirely over him in Dead as a Doornail. Huh. Developing feelings I suppose, even if you’re sort of dating another guy now. Speaking of dating another guy, Sookie needs a new outfit for her date, so she drops by Tara’s Togs.

I hadn’t seen Tara in a while.

The only friend you appear to have (or at least you tell us that she fits that category)? The one who was subject to horrific abuse? The one who had severe injuries that you didn’t take her to the hospital for? You are a sucky friend Sookie Stackhouse. Maybe this is why no one likes you. It’s not down to your mind reading, but the fact that you are a forgetful, uncaring bitch. Just sayin’.

Tara was serving Andy Bellefleur’s sister Portia when I went in.  Tara is the local representative for Isabelle’s Bridal, a national company that produces a catalog that’s become the bible of all things wedding related.

Portia was thinking wedding, and Tara was thinking money.

Is Portia getting married??

I really like Portia and I want to see her happy.  Sookie takes this as an opportunity to judge her needlessly.

She was wearing one of her “lawyer suits”, a brownish tweedy-looking straight skirt and jacket with a silk blouse underneath. She had on beige hose and low-heeled pumps, and she carried a matching purse. Bo-ring.

How old are you? Portia’s a lawyer, she has to look professional. I’m sure she’d like to run around in, I don’t know, a Wonder Woman outfit, but it’s hardly appropriate.

She knew she would look a little old as a bride, especially compared to Halleigh, but by God, she was finally going to be a bride.

Awwwww I like Portia.  All the hugs for Portia.

She feels that she needs to be validated by having a husband of her own. This is such a sad, miserable thought, that despite being an educated, intelligent woman with an independent job, Portia will only feel complete with a man by her side.  I have so many feminist and sad feels for her right now.

Portia and Andy are going to have a double wedding in April, which is only a few… weeks or months away, I’m not sure exactly when this book is set.  Portia asks if Sookie will work as bar staff at the wedding, and I guess she takes the polite question badly because Sookie decides to be as much of a bitch as she can be to Portia. For no good reason.

“Portia,” I said slowly, wanting to be sure she got my meaning, “you should invite Bill Compton.” [whom she dated for a short while in Living Dead in Dallas]

I could “hear” that Portia thought I was purposely reminding her of the few times she’d dated Bill. She didn’t want to be reminded of it, and it angered her that I’d done so.

“Why do you suggest that?” she asked coldly, and I gave her high points for not just stalking out of the shop.

Why did you do that? What was the point in being purposefully cruel to Portia? Was it just to hurt her buzz from being so happy about getting married?  I’m rather genuinely shocked that this is presented as something we’re supposed to be behind, and supporting Sookie in.  This is just petty and mean, for no good reason.

Portia then goes out and Sookie acts like she did nothing wrong. Tee hee, it’s time to do some shopping.  Tee hee.

For those who watch my videos, I had three out today!  I’mma put up the Hex reaction video, but click the link below for my review of The Woman in Black and a look at a book I found to be worse than Twilight. Honestly.

My video channel, full of fresh snark and reviewing goodness.

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2 thoughts on “A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Definitely Dead’ chapter four

  1. To be fair, Andy did intrude on Sookie’s brain with incest imagery, and also called her a freak and told her he didn’t like her in the last book.

    I find him much more likable in the TV series (granted I’m only about four episodes into season 2, but whatever.)

    Of course, Sookie doesn’t give him much reason to like her, since she has needlessly been a bitch to him since book one, when he was still kind of thinking he would like to bone her.

    Since I kind of hate Sookie at this point, I am going to go ahead and go with the belief that she was the asshole first.

    • Ahhh yes the incest imagery…. I had almost forgotten about that, as there is always one thing each man does to make him into a colossal arsehole. I think I’ve got a soft spot for Andy, he seems to have been through a lot – and he was very good on the TV show!

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