A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead as a Doornail’ chapter fourteen

I slept for hours.

When I woke up, Tara was gone.

Real good friendship there Sookie. Real nice. She figures that she won’t be Tara’s favourite person for a while, presumably because she stood idly by and did nothing, and then let her walk off into the night with some broken ribs. Funny how friends tend to be a bit negative after stuff like that.

A flowery delivery woman comes round.  Tara sent some daisies, Calvin a small bush, and Pam sent her some flowers with the message ‘Don’t get shot anymore.’

I love you Pam. Never go.

Sookie goes into work and Sam yells at her… for reasons. I don’t know, he’s always yelling at her for something. Jason and Crystal show up, and Crystal is sure that she’s pregnant. They’ve been dating about a month, certainly no more than five weeks (the first chapter was set at the end of January, and they met at new year’s). That’s real classy.

The police come in and Sookie can read in their minds that they think the disappearances of Jason and Debbie might be linked to the shooter. We also learn that Charles Twining used to work for Russell Edgington. Oo – err. Not good. He might have, I don’t know, tortured Bill or something, making him possibly my favourite person in the world.

Anywho, after work Sam and Sookie decide that it’s time to do some detectiving at the crime scene, and to see whether Sam can sniff anything out.  They head out to where Heather the werefox was shot, and Sam seems to have found A Clue.

Then Andy Bellefleur pops up because it’s the stake out tonight. The one that was supposed to happen the previous night. He’s quite pissed about all this, and then calls her a genetic fluke, and how the Stackhouses were normal people, why aren’t she and Jason?

Sookie senses another human at the end of the alley.

“Drop it, Bellefleur,” said a no-nonsense voice, one that sounded familiar.

“Bullshit,” Andy sneered. “Why should I?”

“Because I got a bigger gun,” said the voice, cool and sarcastic. Sweetie Des Arts stepped from the shadows, carrying a rifle.

Ohmygod ohmygod it all makes sense now why sweetie kept saying shit about the shootings and why she called sookie a hard woman to kill ahhhhhhhhh oh my god it was the creepy stripper

She hates shifters because it her car accident a half-man half-wolf came running out of the woods, bit her, and ran back into the woods. At the full moon, she sorta gets really hairy and stuff, and her boyfriend threw her out and her parents wouldn’t take her, and her whole life was ruined by it. She’s killed twenty two, and takes a particular interest in searching out nurseries for victims.

A werewolf jumps on her. She shoots it in the chest, and Andy takes the opportunity to shoot Sweetie in the head.

Bye Sweetie. I’m not going to miss you.

The wounded were is Dawson; Calvin asked him to watch over Sookie for his last day of employment. Good thing. Andy asks Sookie whether Halleigh is normal, because that’s the best thing to do at a time like this.

“Nothing aside from the stupid way she spells her name. Halleigh is just plain normal.”

Sookie tells the police, when they turn up, that she and Dawson were fucking outside, as to explain his lack of clothes. It’s a very poor cover story.

Alcide comes over the next day to formally invite Sookie to the packmaster contest and is all miserable and shit about how he feels like he barely even knows her anymore.

Valid had been one of my Words of the Day last week. “That’s a valid observation.”

You didn’t know the word ‘valid’? And you’re, what, twenty six now? How stupid are you?

Then Sookie takes food over to Calvin in Hotshot, and he’s all like ‘date me’ and Sookie’s all like ‘mmmm you smell like my cooking I’m going to kiss you’ and then a random girl asks her if she’s going to marry her dad and sookie’s like ‘i don’t geddit tee hee’ then realises basically everyone in hotshot is inbred and daughter/son/relative of Calvin – something she learnt in the last book.

And Patrick Furnan, the other contestant for the packmaster contest, mocks her and is a real dick. Not a surprise in a Harris book. He’s all like, ‘you’re cheating on Alcide and Calvin, haw haw, you’re gonna be torn apart, haw haw, i hope that happens real soon, haw haw’.


If I hadn’t cared who won the King of the Mountain contest between Jackson Herveaux and Patrick Furnan, I did now.


2 thoughts on “A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead as a Doornail’ chapter fourteen

  1. Pingback: A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead as a Doornail’ chapter sixteen « Dottie Smith's Verbal Menagerie

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