A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead as a Doornail’ chapter twelve


The rental rented out by Sam is really nice.  I’m worried I might start cheating on Gregory the house with this place; it’s clean and small and neat and tidy.  Ideal.  It’s next to Halleigh Robinson, the young girlfriend of Andy Bellefleur, and that’s just swell.

Sookie goes over to visit Calvin in hospital.  He’s healing up pretty quick due to his shifter-ness.  They talk about his life in Hotshot and it sounds so lovely and idyllic, apart from the fact they commit murder to keep their secret and he’d turn Sookie into a baby making factory line.  They’re keeping an eye on Jason – and seeing how Crystal was acting the previous chapter, I’m betting she’s keeping a real close eye on him.

Sookie then pops over to the library before work.

In the nick of time, I identified intense excitement pulsing from another brain, and reflexively I ducked, feeling a sharp shove in my shoulder as I did so, and then a hot lance of blinding pain, and then wetness and a big noise.

Though I didn’t know how it had happened, I found myself on my knees beside my car, and blood was spattered over the front of my white T-shirt.

Oddly, my first though was Thank God I didn’t have my new coat on.

Portia Bellefleur saw this and freaks out in her desperation to run and help Sookie.  Sookie is very rude in her internal monologue, but I’m over looking this because it’s rather hilarious reading the delirious thoughts that come from a mind rapidly loosing blood.  She wakes up in the hospital with Jason by her side.  Jason is over the moon with this latest shooting, as it conclusively proves he couldn’t have done it.

Real nice.  Shot sister.  Exuberant joy.  Not suspicious.

Andy comes over to question her, and there’s a not-said-in-so-many-words talk about her mind reading capabilities, and how she heard the thoughts of the shooter, and that made her duck.

She wakes up in the middle of the night to see she has a new visitor.

“Bill,” I said, feeling happy and safe. “Don’t go.”

ARGHHHHDHDFHFDJKDKFDFGKJGDFKDFGLKJSFDKJDSFKNJSDF

I really really hate Bill.  I want him to die in this book sometime soon.

Sookie is discharged the next morning but there’s a mini mystery about who paid the hefty hospital bill for her.  Do you know who pays the hefty hospital bills I have?  The NHS, because we have a socialized care system that means I never have to worry about things like that.

Have I mentioned lately that I love the NHS?

Claudine’s mysterious brother Claude has arrived at the hospital to drive Sookie home in a chevy impala, which is like, my favourite car in the world.  Lucky bitch. Claude is very stiff and rude, in a hilarious, not-arseholey way.  He asks her to pose with him for a romance cover photography contest.  He also reveals that the cook, Sweetie Des Arts used to be a stripper before she had a traumatic car accident. Nice.

Then there’s some various shenanigans; Claude pretends to be Sookie’s boyfriend in front of Halleigh for the lulz, and Arlene pops round with some junk food and says the cops are going to be out looking for the sniper tonight, and Andy comes round to ask her if there’s more to be found in the world.

Busy, busy, busy.

Then Tara shows up. Oh, this is going to be utterly craptastic isn’t it.

We finally learn the story of what happened to Tara, and how she left Franklin and Mickey.  You see, she wasn’t really interested in Franklin, just having him as a sugar daddy, and then Mickey started showing up, and she thought he was just being nice to her and giving her presents as some sort of tribute thing…

“He said, ‘Tara, you’re a pretty girl, and you’ve been good company, but I owe a debt to Mickey’s master, and Mickey wants you now.’ “

She done got passed around like a bag of old potatoes.

“He’s real rough,” Tara said very quietly. “He’s going to kill me some day.”

So… let’s avoid that then.

There’s only one solution: to call Eric.

Yo, watch some videos.

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